Ex Wife Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for ex wife comic strips. Discover the best "Ex Wife" comics from Dilbert.com.

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The ex-photographer I hired isn't doing well in captivity. "Is he dying?" "Not yet. It's more of a panda situation." "Would you like to mate?" "I couldn't be less interested."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless

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Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pro bono job, #hit with suit, #chair, #dinosaur bob, #liked it

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Bob The esquire dinosaur Bob: I slapped your ex boss with his own suit until he agreed to rehire you. Bob: It only took ten minutes to make him agree, and another hour to make him convince ne that he liked it. Bob: How much do I owe you for all the fun? Wally: This one is pro bono.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improbable solution, #work problem, #one million, #business model

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Dilbert: I need an improbable solution to a work problem.Deus ex machina services. Dogbert says, "Sure. I charge one million dollars for each improbable solution." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I also need an improbable way to get things from you for free." Dogbert says, "Stop breaking my business model."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #park, #copyright, #ownership, #humor, #Sports

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Dilbert says, "I lost an intellectual property case with my ex-employer. Now they own my name." Dilbert says, "It costs my five dollars every time I introduce myself." woman says, "I already forgot your name. What was it?" Dilbert says, "Can I tell you next month? I'm on a budget?" woman says, "Sure, if you think you can find me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collections, #job, #customer service, #nervous, #busy, #confused, #business

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Dilbert works in collections Customer says, "My wife hates me and I live between and archery range and a nest of rabid badgers." Dilbert says, "Is that a reason for not paying your bills?" Customer says, "I'm just saying you called at as bad time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #excuses, #argument, #depressed, #conversation, #business

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Dilbert works in collections Customer says, "My wife left me, my truck caught on fire, and all of my organs are failing." Dilbert says, "I work in a collections department." Customer says, "You win." Dilbert says, "Winning isn't what it used to be." a voice yells, "Your five minute break is over!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senator, #bribery, #deal, #legislation, #law, #favor, #manipulation

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the CEO and the senator Dogbert says ,"It wouldn't be legal for me to bribe you." Dogbert says, "So I hired your wife as a consultant despite the fact that she thinks 'Present value' is some sort of gift card." Dogbert says, "And I wrote some legislation for you because you're a lazy thief." Senator says, "Ha ha! Let's call that 'Access'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #meeting, #capitalism, #disagreeing, #distrust, #business

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Dilbert says, "If we lease a machine from you, how can we be sure you'll stay in business to service it?" Man says, "How can we be sure you'll have enough money to pay the lease?" Dilbert says, "You could check our financials." Man says, "I'm pretty sure your financials are as fraudulant as ours." Dilbert says, "Good point. Maybe we could ask trusted third parties to vouch for us." Dilbert says, "Do you trust any third parties?" Man says, "Not since my financial advisor put my retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and had an affair with my wife." And thus ended capitalism Dilbert says, "Well, we tried." Man says, "Maybe I could grow food in my car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #rumors, #angry, #screaming, #yelling, #distracting

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Wally says, "It's time to stir the soup." Wally says, "I think Ted is stealing." Wally says, "You know how sometimes you can't find things in your office?" The boss says, "Um?yes." Wally says, "That only happens on days when Ted has been in the building." Wally says, "and I think he was wearing a new sock the other day. Have you ever lost a sock?" The boss says, "He's been in my house?!" Wally says, "Either that or your wife and Ted have some sort of arrangement." The boss says ,"Ted..." Wally says, "It makes my lack of accomplishments seem unimportant."