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Dilbert sits at his desk with a telephone in his hand. A voice on the phone says, "Press 'One' for sales. Press 'Two' in a hopeless effort to get technical support." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone continues, "Press 'One' for answers to questions you don't have. Press 'Two' if you're gullible and optimistic." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone says, "Press 'Two' if you're willing to buy something just so you can talk to a human being . . ." Dilbert puts the phone on the desk and raises a mallet to strike it.
Dilbert and Wally sit at a desk. The Boss enters and says, "I've decided to get more involved with your project." Wally and Dilbert think, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "I'm just going to roll up my sleeves and pitch in." Trying to unbutton his sleeve cuffs, the Boss says, "Does anybody know how to work these buttons?" Wally covers his eyes with his hands and Dilbert leans back in disgust.
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "From now on I'm going to be more proactive." The Boss screams, "You're fired!!" Dilbert's tie and hair fly up in shock. Dilbert turns around and asks, "For what??" The Boss replies, "I don't know yet. That's the problem with being proactive."
The Boss says to his secretary, "I've gotta run to the post office." The secretary says, "You go to the post office every day. Are you aware that you can buy more than one stamp at a time?" The Boss replies, "Apparently you don't understand the concept of 'float.'"
Dilbert stands in the doorway of his cubicle and says, "Okay! This is one tidy little cubicle now!" The trash can outside the cubicle is full. Dilbert polishes his name plate and says, "The cleanliness of one's work space is a sign of how much one enjoys one's job." Alice says, "Give me the cleaner; it's my turn to fantasize that I'm a maid." Dilbert says, "Five more minutes . . . Please."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"
Alice walks away from Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I don't believe men have a special chromosome to tell them which assignments are a waste of time." Dilbert leans out of his cubicle and says, "We do." Alice approaches Asok and thinks, "I will test the theory on young Asok the intern." Asok looks at the documents Alice is holding and says, "Mmm . . . The sweet smell of unnecessary work." Alice thinks, "Maybe men are more perceptive than you'd think." Asok thinks, "She's aroused. I'll make my move."
Catbert says to Dilbert, "This report says you went nuts at a vending machine because it took your money." Dilbert sits with his arms crossed over his chest. Catbert continues, "The company used to offer counseling in these cases. But we found it was more economical to apply the death penalty." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "What?! How is that possible?" Catbert replies, "I'm not sure yet. You're too big for the microwave oven . . ."
Dogbert, who is wearing a wizard's hat, stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I can make your employees more creative and spiritually fulfilled." Dogbert continues, "I use my special blend of poetry and dance to touch their souls." The Boss says, "Okay. You're hired." Dogbert stands on a desk and dances while Alice, Wally and Dilbert watch. Dogbert recites, "There once was a dog with a hat . . . Who got paid to dance like that . . ." Wally says, "Hey! My soul just healed!"
The caption says, "Experiment #1: I am exposing a rat to my company's marketing plan." Dilbert shows a copy of the plan to Ratbert. The caption says, "He seems to have no adverse response to the introduction and background." Ratbert hums as he reads the plan. Dilbert takes notes. The caption says, "This is already far more exposure than humans could tolerate." A large bump appears on Ratbert's head and he says, "Sales projections . . . brain tumor . . . get Tylenol . . ."