Gives You Lemons Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

71 Results for Gives You Lemons

View 61 - 70 results for gives you lemons comic strips. Discover the best "Gives You Lemons" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Gives Buy In

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Gives Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #money, #price, #cost, #value

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on my project. Tina: You can have my buy-in for $25. Dilbert: Ted only charged me $15. Tina: It isn't my fault that Ted is a bad negotiator.

World's Saddest Club

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
World's Saddest Club - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catch-22, #deadline, #lose-lose, #choosing

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Can you get that analysis to me by Tuesday? Alice: Yes, if I do it poorly. Alternately, I can do it well and miss your deadline by a week. Man: That gives me no path to success. Alice: Welcome to the world's saddest club.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Virus Gives Everyone A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virus Gives Everyone A Raise  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virus, #infection, #computer, #malware, #morals, #salary, #technology, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?

Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flirting, #implementation, #new rules, #shoulder rub, #sock collar, #team spirit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hey, Alice. Let me give you a shoulder rub in the name of team spirit. CEO: AAAAGH!!! Alice: click CEO: I hate having a court - ordered shock collar. The boss: I don't see a...oh.

Alice Gives Honest Opinion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Gives Honest Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!

The Extra 10%

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Slavery Or Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Slavery Or Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #alice, #succeed, #nitpick, #slavery, #choice

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?

Never Give Reasons

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Never Give Reasons  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #debates, #internet, #Opinion, #social media, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Internet Debate Coach Dogbert: Never give reasons for your opinions. That only gives your opponent fodder for proving you're an idiot. Asok: Then how can I win a debate on social media? Dogbert: No one knows. It has never been done.

Wally Gives Back The Baby

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Gives Back The Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gender, #misunderstanding, #obliviousness, #Parenting, #adoption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How's your adopted Elbonian baby doing? Wally: I had to give it back. It was a lot needier than I expected. Dilbert: Was the baby a boy or a girl? Wally: How would I know? It couldn't even speak yet.