Hiring Freeze Comic Strips - Page 7
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91 Results for Hiring Freeze
View 61 - 70 results for hiring freeze comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Freeze" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 22,
2014
Donuts 'N Vodka
Tags #cognitive control, #hiring, #job interview, #self control, #temptation, #prediction of success, #donut, #laptop, #bottle vodka, #resist
Transcript
Catbert: Your experience is impressive, but a better predictor of success is your cognitive control. I will leave you for ten minutes with a donut, a laptop full of inappropriate videos, and a bottle of vodka. Try to resist them. Man: Yee-ha! Mmm-mm! Catbert: Do not go in there.
Tuesday September 23,
2014
Engineering
Tags #engineers, #hiring, #negativity, #personality tests, #resumes, #special algorithms, #personality, #stupidity, #engineering, #psychology
Transcript
Catbert: No one looks at resumes anymore. Now we use special algorithms to see where your personality fits in our culture. Man: That process sounds like a steaming pile of stupidity that will beat itself to death in a few years. Catbert: I'll start you in engineering. You'll fit right in.
Tuesday September 30,
2014
Tags #company culture, #culture, #hiring, #incompetence, #work culture, #good fit, #stigma, #cultural hires, #wishes, #rise above
Transcript
Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.
Wednesday October 01,
2014
Tags #drinking, #hiring, #personality tests, #sales, #sales personnel, #sociopaths, #storytelling skills, #morgue, #selfie, #dead guy, #super drunk, #hired, #sales person, #new hire, #business
Transcript
Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.
Friday November 14,
2014
Hiring A Co Ceo
Tags #ceos, #executives, #wages, #work ethic, #co ceo, #break tie, #manioulate, #pay, #hire, #split salary, #money
Transcript
CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.
Saturday January 17,
2015
Fierce Employees Wanted
Tags #anger, #confusion, #ferocity, #fierce, #hiring, #interview, #job application, #job interview
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for employees who are fierce! Applicant: Should I punch you or something? I don't know how to play this. Boss: Try acting normal, but angrier.
Thursday March 26,
2015
Wally's Hobby Is Economic Babble Talk
Tags #jargon, #babble, #economics, #obliviousness, #economist, #economy, #hiring
Transcript
Wally: My new hobby is explaining economics using babble talk. It sounds totally real. For example, did you know that the bubble in commodities is creating an oversupply of interest rates? Meanwhile... Boss: Our Chief Economist quit. CEO: Promote that bald guy. He sounds smart.
Thursday April 23,
2015
Smoking And Iq
Tags #smoking, #cigarettes, #tobacco, #intelligence, #i.q., #interview, #hiring
Transcript
Technical Interview. Dilbert: Do you smoke? Man: What does that have to do with my technical skills? Dilbert: A 2010 Israeli study says smokers have lower intelligence. Man: How do you know stuff like that? Dilbert: Would it be funny if I said I don't smoke?
Monday May 25,
2015
Only Masochist Would Live Here
Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment
Transcript
CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.
Tuesday May 26,
2015
Ten Things We Look For In Employees
Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart
Transcript
Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.