Honored To Speak Comic Strips - Page 7

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83 Results for Honored To Speak

View 61 - 70 results for honored to speak comic strips. Discover the best "Honored To Speak" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #sales questions, #vice presdient, #talk to boss, #questions, #confusion, #chaos, #time management

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Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #impressive resume, #promoted, #management, #money and pretige, #doing less work, #opportunity, #abuse subordinates, #fluent managerese, #love interviewing

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CEO: "Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." Alice: "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" Dilbert: "Did you really want that job?" Alice: "No, but I love interviewing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage, #spreadsheets, #emails, #luck, #unimportant subordinates, #bad mood, #insulting, #low morale

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The boss: "Cancel all of my meetings. I'm going to manage by making spreadsheets and sending e-mails." "With any luck, I'll never again need to speak with unimportant subordinates such as yourself." "C23 is in a bad mood today." "@#$%^!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2006's comic on:


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"Welcome to Dogbert's deeply discounted motivational speakers bureau." "I need a slightly motivational speaker and I don't have much budget." "I want to inspire my employees to work harder, without motivating them to seek better jobs." "I recommend Robbie, the frightening hobo." "Does he talk about his difficult journey from the dumpster to success?" "We're not sure. He mumbles." "But no one has ever become an entrepreneur after hearing him speak." mumble mumble mumble "Must...keep...job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #clammy offcie, #all clammy, #hands are clammy, #underpants

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The Boss is in his office. He thinks, with a panicked expression on his face, "It's not just my desk; it's the chair, too!" The Boss stops Dilbert in the hallway and says, "Dilbert, come here!" The Boss leads Dilbert into his office and says, "Everything in my office feels clammy." The Boss continues, "I first noticed when I touched my phone.. then my mouse." The Boss says, "All clammy." He pauses and then asks, "What could it mean?" Dilbert responds, "It could mean your hands are clammy." Dilbert walks away whistling. The Boss calls after him, "You must never speak of this." At a meeting, Wally turns to The Boss and asks, "Have you ever noticed that everything you sit on feels like underpants?" Dilbert looks away guiltily.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

More Than Garfield

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More Than Garfield - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mondays, #Garfield, #sarcasm, #teasing, #conversation, #antisocial, #alienation

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Alice: I hate Mondays more than Garfield. Wally: Why do you hate Garfield at all? Is it his total disregard for lasagna ownership? Alice: Don't speak to me again until Tuesday. Wally: One day down, four to go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #executives, #truth, #honesty, #protection, #protected, #shelter

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Alice: May I speak frankly? Dilbert: Uh-oh. CEO: Of course! A good CEO listens to his underlings. [He soon realized this was a bad idea. Alice's honesty felt like fire ants on his skin. Bystanders scattered. The CEO had not heard the truth in years. It burned like a thousand suns.] Catbert: Whoa! Someone got truthed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #computer, #robot, #replacement, #doctor, #medicine, #obsolete, #job, #diagnose, #necessity, #technology, #invention, #business, #medical

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Doctor: IBM's Watson supercomputer has diagnosed your symptoms. The computer just ordered the meds you need. They will be delivered in an hour by drone. Dilbert: Looks like your job as a doctor is becoming obsolete. Doctor: Ha ha! No. You still need a doctor and a nurse to make the system work. For example, the computer can't read its own screen and speak those words to patients. Dilbert: Actually, it can. Doctor: But the computer doesn't have a nurse. Dilbert: What does the nurse do? Nurse: I stab him if he tries to do more than read the screen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #sexist, #misogyny, #conversation, #talking

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Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.