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"Per company policy, I got you the least expensive flight available." "Your trip will have 17 connecting flights and you're required to spend at least one night 'in an Elbonian prison, dressed as a ballerina.'" "How much would I have to desecrate a national monument to get one night in jail?"
I am entering the PowerPoint zone. "I no longer feel the need to change the real world as long as I can change these bullet points." "How much imaginary productivity did you have today?" "Eight slides!"
"Good news, Carol: The new office supply catalog is here!" "If you leaf through it and imagine that you can order things, you'll get a mild shopper's high." OFFICE "Now...I know how much you hate the phrase 'in lieu of a raise'..."
This completes my presentation. "Does anyone have a question designed to increase my workload for your entertainment?" "How much money would the company save if you did the entire project by yourself?" "Hmmm..."
The Boss: I'm off to the executive golf tournament. "It just struck me how much contrast there is between your job and mine. Gotta go." Carol: "Let me know if anything else strikes you."
Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.
Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert