Search Results for "imagined better"
Share September 12, 1999's comic on:
Asok is packing boxes. He tells Dilbert, "I'm relocating to a better cubicle." Asok continues, "Tonight a team of movers will take my boxed possessions to an undisclosed location." Asok continues, "They're also going to laminate my company I.D." Asok continues, "I'm supposed to leave it with the guard on the way out." Asok holds up a check and says, "And I got paid two days early!" Asok continues, "It's all because management appreciated the constructive criticism I posted on the message board." Asok folds his arms proudly and says, "As I hoped, my condescending tone helped them to see their folly." Dilbert asks, "Do you mind if I rifle through your boxes and take office supplies?"
Share April 18, 2005's comic on:
Dilbert: Our vendors rep says they can't deliver the parts for three months. The Boss: that just means he promised the parts to some other customer who did a better job of threatening him. Dilbert: How about if I say we'll never buy from you gain? vendor: Id say you're not exactly buying form us now.
Share July 05, 2005's comic on:
Share November 17, 2005's comic on:
My new magazine is called 'Gullible World'. "This month's cover story is 'Shed Pounds by Yelling at Your Children'." "Next month will be 'Eat Your Way to Being a Better Parent'."
Share March 07, 2006's comic on:
There's no purpose for this meeting other than my boss told me to have it. "So let's just sit here silently until our time is up." "Unless you have something better to do." "Not really."
Share April 14, 2013's comic on:
Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.
Share September 04, 2008's comic on:
A ghost says, "Hello, Alice. I'm the ghost of the popular employee who once did your function." The ghost says, "My body has gone to a better job, but my spirit remains to remind everyone how mean you are in comparison." The ghost says, "Nice try, but you can only kill me with kindness." Alice says, "Gaaa! Gaaa! Gaaa!"
Share May 18, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "If you help bring in a new account, I'll give you a raise, unless there's no money in the budget then for raises." Alice says, "Please don't say what I think you're going to say next." The Boss says, "It's better than nothing." Alice says, "No it isn't!"
Share December 31, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Amber, would you like to celebrate New Year's Even with me?" Amber says, "I'll say maybe. That way you can't make other plans and I can wait for a better offer." Amber says, "I can get away with it because of whatever is happening over there." Dilbert says, "Yup."
Share April 27, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm