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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #emotional well being, #hug, #managers & supervisors, #rodents, #touch a rat, #around neck, #exercises, #business

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Boss: Experts say I can increase your engagement by caring for your emotional well-being. I would give you a hug, but I'm afraid of getting whatever made you this way. But I am willing to touch a rat that touches you, and that's not nothing. Wally: Put it on my neck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #Men, #alpha dominence, #space, #room space, #topper, #puffer fish, #barely male, #glad, #inflate body

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Dilbert: Studies say I can increase my alpha dominance by using lots of space in the room. Topper: That's nothing. I can inflate my body like a puffer fish! Carol: At times like this, you must be glad you're barely male. Topper

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #wages, #scientific reaserch, #happiness, #more money, #renounce science, #el gato diablo, #psychology, #money

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Catbert: According to scientific research, your happiness will not increase if you make more money. Therefore, I can only authorize a raise for you if you renounce science. Say it! Say you renounce science! Dilbert: El gato diablo!

If You Double Your Productivity

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If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

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Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.

Celebrate Failure

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Celebrate Failure - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #success, #failure, #credit, #taking credit, #reasoning, #managers

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Boss: Failure is the raw material of success. From now on, I will celebrate your failures. Dilbert: Will you still be taking credit for our successes? Boss: That part stays the same. I'm only trying to increase the contrast to your failures.

Wally Has A Sitting Injury

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Wally Has A Sitting Injury - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #injury, #sitting, #human resources, #complaint, #stress, #hurt, #health, #business

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Wally: I need to report a work-related injury. Studies say extended sitting can increase stress. I sat in my cubicle and got all stressed out. Catbert: You have a sitting injury? Wally: Don't trivialize my pain.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

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Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.