Leave Mom Out Comic Strips - Page 7
1000 Results for Leave Mom Out
View 61 - 70 results for leave mom out comic strips. Discover the best "Leave Mom Out" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share February 23, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.
Share April 13, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert looks over Alice's shoulder at her monitor. Alice points to the screen and says, "The internal job postings are out. Here's a job I'd love." Alice reads, "Experience required: the candidate must be a guy named Eric, pot-bellied, nearsighted, must drive a red Ford Bronco." Dilbert says, "They might have someone in mind already." Alice says, "If I squint . . . and leave my 'control top' pantyhose at home . . ."
Share April 27, 1996's comic on:
Alice stands at a vending machine. Wally points to a beeper on his hip and says to Alice, "I got myself a little work-avoidance device." Wally continues, "If I want to leave a meeting early, I just look down and say 'uh-oh' and scurry away." Alice asks, "What's the pager number in case I need you?" Wally says, "You're not quite grasping the concept here, Alice."
Share November 18, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on a monitor and says, "Are you stressed out, Wally? I have a solution." Catbert continues, "Start smoking. That way you'll have frequent company-sanctioned breaks throughout the day." Wally asks, "This is your strategy for downsizing, isn't it?" Catbert offers a pack of cigarettes to Wally and says, "Try it, you big wuss."
Share April 09, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "The new org chart has my name lower than yours, but it doesn't mean anything." Dilbert shows Wally the chart and says, "See? It wouldn't all fit across the page. It's just a graphical layout thing, that's all." Alice holds out her coffee mug and says, "Hey, Dil-boy, put a head on this and fetch my mail." Wally asks Dilbert, "Are you asking me to be your mentor?"
Share April 24, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits in a chair and Catbert sits on a couch. Alice says, "I'm being discriminated against because I take time off for family emergencies." Catbert replies, "I'll handle this by telling your boss that you ratted him out to the Director of Human Resources." Alice says, "I thought we had a 'Family Friendly' policy." Catbert says, "The key word is FRIENDLY. You've been acting as if you LOVE your family."
Share May 06, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert is wearing a sweatshirt. Dilbert asks, "Are you telling me that YOU invented the first Web browser?" Dogbert replies, "Not alone. I worked with our garbage man." The caption says, "Flashback." Dogbert sits on a garbage can and tells the garbage man, "I wonder how long people would sit in front of a computer waiting for nothing." The garbage man replies, "Let's find out!" They sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What if this thing gets out of hand?" Dogbert replies, "We'll blame it on some drunken college kid."
Share May 03, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk out of a restaurant. The sign in the window says, "All you can eat $7.00." A man yells, "Hey! Stop!" The waiter says, "You owe us another $14." The waiter continues, "You deliberately put more than you could eat on your plates." The man continues, "Technically, our agreement is 'all you can eat,' not 'all you can waste.'" The man thinks, "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I said, 'No, food services is where I'm needed.'" Dilbert says, "I believe this is your department, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Technically, it's all you CAN eat, not all you DO eat." The man thinks, "Ooh . . . He's good."
Share October 11, 1992's comic on:
A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."
Share September 06, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a chair at a financial planner's office. The planner says, "We can handle your investments so you can retire and live off the earnings." The planners holds a long contract that covers his desk. He says, "Just sign this incomprehensible contract, hand all your money to total strangers and relax!" Dogbert's ears fly up as he looks at the contract. The planners says, "We'll need to know what your tolerance for risk is." Dogbert says, "I think I just maxed out."