Level Of Awareness Comic Strips - Page 7
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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our senior vice president will be dropping in today." The Boss holds up a chart showing "lies" and "boss level." He says, "Remember to increase your lies accordingly." The Boss holds up a chart showing "details" and "boss level." He says, "And decrease the details you provide." The Boss continues, "If I think you're being too informative, I'll signal by fidgeting." The Boss continues, "Just say everything is fine, but we need more funding. Here he comes." The senior VP stands in the doorway and says, "Sorry I'm late. How is everyone?" Wally replies, "I'm not saying." Dilbert replies, "I'm fine, but I need more funding." Alice replies, "I have a wide variety of super powers." The senior VP thinks, "I feel a sudden, urgent need to unload my stock options." The Boss waves his arms and thinks, "Fidget fidget."
Carol tells Wally, "Today is your ten-year anniversary, Wally." Carol says, "Pick a gift from the service anniversary catalog." Wally asks, "Is there a ceremony?" Carol replies, "Yeah. We just had it." Wally asks, "May I say a few words?" Carol replies, "Anywhere but here." Wally looks through the catalog and tells Dilbert, "The selection of gifts at the ten-year level is somewhat meager." Dilbert says, "The golf ball is nice." Wally says, "I'm leaning toward the 'I'm with stupid' shirt." Dilbert says, "All I see is a blank shirt." Wally says, "It comes with a fabric pen." Dilbert says, "I can almost feel the love our company has for us." Wally asks, "What do you mean 'us'?"
The Boss says, "Alice, I'd like your input on something." Alice thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My intuition is activating the fist of death. Must . . . Control . . ." They sit at a conference table and the Boss says, "Our corporate culture is bad." The Boss continues, "I'm trying to find the cause." Alice replies, "Well, obviously the problem isn't caused by managers who have no self-awareness . . . So what could it be?" Alice continues, "The culture problem must be coming from the other direction. Some EMPLOYEE must be causing this problem!" Alice continues, "I think it's the guy in the mail room. His bad culture is infecting the rest of us." The Boss stands in the mail room. A man says, "If this is about that conference room full of mail, I don't know how it got there."
During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"
Dilbert leans over the cubicle wall and says, "Could you turn off the music? I can't concentrate" to the coworker next to him. The coworker replies, "How about if I turn it down to a level where it still drives you nuts but you're too shy to complain a second time?" Dilbert says, "Thank you." The coworker says, "It might creep up over time."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "According to this survey the compensation here is 'competitive.'" Dilbert responds, "Competitive means not the highest. So we could get paid more if we worked at another company?" Dilbert continues, "Should we continue working as hard as we can or should we back off to a more competitive level?"
Dilbert, dressed as God, is seated on the plane next to a woman. He says, "It's because I'm making a sales call to the Vatican." Dilbert continues, "I'm told that salespeople should dress one level above their customers." The plane is viewed from the outside. A voice asks, "Aren't you worried?" Another voice responds, "About what?"
The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."
Carol: We're having a problem with the rats in the office. " You might want to upgrade your level of hygiene from "rat bait" to "unwashed."" "I think I just felt my first tingle of job satisfaction."
"The new employee at work is hot, and she's getting special treatment. How can I get rid of her?" "Water finds its own level. She'll leave within a week." "They say that most people meet their future spouses at work." erk!