Lose Language Skill Comic Strips - Page 7

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199 Results for Lose Language Skill

View 61 - 70 results for lose language skill comic strips. Discover the best "Lose Language Skill" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertising, #deception, #graphic design, #graphic designers, #marketing, #a_b testing, #design options, #skill set, #random behavior, #talent, #secrets, #business

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Graphic Designer. Dilbert: I'll do some A-B testing with the design options you provided. Interestingly, the fact that you can't predict which design will perform best means your skill set is mostly random behavior that you package as talent. Designer: This works better if i'm the only one who knows that.

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

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Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

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Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Tina Enters Coma

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Tina Enters Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #technology, #write, #body, #language, #read

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tina the tech writer tina: in simple terms, tell me how the technology works, so i can write about it. one hour later dilbert pointing to flow chart: and that's how it all...uh-oh. if i am reading your body language correctly, you're saying i could have shortened that. continued...

Refusing Customer Demands

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Refusing Customer Demands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #customer, #demands, #face mask, #fault, #Lose, #managers & supervisors, #refuse, #sarcasm, #technology

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dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #communication skills, #poor skills, #random numbers, #spreadsheet, #clarify, #listening skills

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Woman says, "This isn't what I wanted." Dilbert says, "I know." Dilbert says, "Your communication skill are so poor that I gave up trying to understand what you wanted and instead put some random numbers on a spreadsheet." Woman says, "Why didn't you just ask me to clarify?!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your listening skills need work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #confused, #emails accounts, #internet & world wide web, #might snap, #pin code, #too many passwords, #user names, #chaos, #crazy, #lose it, #mental, #breakdown, #overload, #technological, #psychology

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Dogbert's password recovery service. Ted: I have so many passwords and email accounts and user names that I don't know what goes to what. I'm lost. If you can't help me I think I might snap. Dogbert: No problem. What's your password recovery PIN code? Noise: SNAP!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #language, #best shore, #off shore, #some countries, #better than others, #racists

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Boss: And we plan to bestshore the production. Dilbert: What? Boss: We say bestshore now instead of offshore. Dilbert: Is that because we never tried to pick the best shore until now? Boss: Of course we tried to pick the best shore! Dilbert: But we never succeeded because we're incompetent? Boss: All I'm saying is that some countries are better than others! Wally: We're racists?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #language, #no longer undertsnd, #employees, #to of touch, #technology, #gravitons, #warp drive, #rebalanced, #subspace responders, #business

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Boss: I no longer understand anything my employees say. I must be so out of touch with technology that I don't even recognize the words. Wally: I flushed the gravitons out of the warp drive and rebalanced the subspace responders.