Lower Staus Comic Strips - Page 7

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95 Results for Lower Staus

View 61 - 70 results for lower staus comic strips. Discover the best "Lower Staus" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #annual inspirational talk, #work hard, #competition, #feel afraid, #quality of lives, #too afraid, #management incompetetnce

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The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #engineering liason, #project staus, #translate for clients, #never completed, #idiot clients, #change requirements

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The Engineering Liason says to Dilbert, "Tell me your project status and I'll translate for our clients." Dilbert says, "The project will never be completed because our idiot clients change the requirements every other day." The Engineering Liason responds, "I'll just say you're drunk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #wally and boss, #no actual work, #excellent reviews, #make job helll, #moved cucbicle, #bathroom stall, #cubicle with door, #calls mother

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Wally sits in the Boss' office. The Boss says, "Wally, you haven't done any actual work in years, and yet we continue to pay you." Wally says, "Have I said thanks?" The Boss replies, "I'd fire you, but your performance reviews are all 'excellents." The Boss continues, "So, my plan is to make your job a living hell until you quit." Wally raises his fist and says, "You'll never win! My standards are lower than you can imagine!" The Boss says, "I'll start by moving you to a smaller cubicle." Wally crosses his arms and says, "Is that the best you got? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally is in a bathroom stall on the phone. He says, "Mom, guess who got an office with a door!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #busy work, #cubicle, #nice day, #took root, #man into tree

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Dibert is sitting in his chair, facing a standing coworker. Dilbert says, "Okay... I think we're done here. Lots of work to do. Busy, busy, busy." The coworker begins to shake and transform. Branches sprout from his head and arms and his lower body becomes a tree stump. Dilbert is unaffected. He says, "I'll talk to you later. Have a nice day. Bye-bye. Thanks." The coworker has mutated into a full tree. Wally leans over the cubicle wall and says to Dilbert, "Looks like someone took root in your cubicle." Dilbert, now facing his computer and still unaffected, only says, "Bye-bye."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #temporary boss, #revamp, #project staus, #color codes, #confess, #only one idea, #emabrrassing

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Wally addresses a meeting, "My first act as temporary boss is revamping our project status color codes." Wally points to a slide and says, "Red, yellow, and green will be replaced by white, off-white, and eggshell." Wally continues, "I have to confess, it was embarrassing to realize I only have one idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #computer screen, #defective, #ignoring, #knock yourself out, #over rated, #vigorusly

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Asok asks The Boss, "The lower left part of my computer screen is defective. May I order a replacement?" The Boss replies, "That part of the screen is overrated. Try ignoring it." Asok asks, "May I vigorously bang my head on your desk?" The Boss replies, "Sure. Knock yourself out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #have plan, #division perfromance, #worst division, #average performance, #merge

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The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1999's comic on:


Tags #give his presentation, #irrelevant comparisons, #low budget, #development time, #computers faster, #obvious insights

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Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2005's comic on:


Tags #rated good, #you're not good, #company policy, #fire anyone, #hiring freeze, #get paid

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The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #project staus report, #random pharse, #generatormmeail, #listens, #when he's talking

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"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."