Manage Budgets Comic Strips - Page 7

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70 Results for Manage Budgets

View 61 - 70 results for manage budgets comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Budgets" comics from Dilbert.com.

Managing Your Boss

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Managing Your Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #accountability, #blame, #time, #time management

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Boss: Your project is three weeks behind schedule. Dilbert: That's the exact amount of time I was waiting for you to answer my questions. Boss: You need to manage me better. Dilbert: Okay, you're fired.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #power, #interns, #roadblock

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Boss: You'll need to get buy-in from the other departments. Asok: You have given me an impossible task. I am only an intern. No one will agree to anything I ask because I have no power to hurt them. Most department heads won't even schedule a meeting with me. And if they do, they will end up canceling it at the last minute and rescheduling. There is literally no way for me to succeed at this task. Boss: I also need you to ask them to fund your project out of their budgets.

Contradicting Himself

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Contradicting Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #managing, #proof, #body cam, #camera, #recording

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Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.

Software Is Never Finished

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Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

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Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Data Encapsulation

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Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

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Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Gut Feeling

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Gut Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #tests, #data, #instinct

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Dilbert: Why are we going ahead with the plan when the data says it can't succeed? Boss: I manage by instinct and gut feelings. Dilbert: How's that different from being insane or stupid? Boss: My gut says I should not listen to you.

Working From Home

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Working From Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #telecommute

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Dilbert: I'd like to work from home so I can be more productive. Boss: I can't manage you as easily when you're out of the office. Dilbert: That's why I'd be more productive. Boss: But you'd be missing out on all of this.

Boss Hires Stalker

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Boss Hires Stalker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #working, #remote, #stalker, #window, #homes

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boss on video conference with dilbert and wally. boss: it's challenging to manage employees who are working remotely. dilbert sitting in arm chair listening boss: so i hired a stalker to look in the windows at your homes and tell me what he sees. he lasted on day. wally sitting in chair wearing shorts and no shirt: sorry. that's on me.

Wally Does Three Jobs

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Wally Does Three Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #money, #fortune, #employer, #employment, #working from home, #job, #manage, #expectations, #people

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wally and dilbert on video conference call. wally: i'm making a fortune working from home. three different employers think i work only for them. dilbert: how do you do three jobs at the same time: wally: it comes down to managing other people's expectations.

Increasing Training Budget

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Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #budget, #training, #research & development, #company, #bankrupt

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boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.