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Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "Sometimes I wonder, how would MY life be different if all whales were extinct?" The Boss continues, "It's not like they do anything for us. You never hear of seeing-eye whales. They can't fetch the paper or drag you out of a burning building . . ." The Boss asks, "Don't you think the world has too many fat, worthless mammals?" Dilbert replies, "I was just thinking that, sir."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company is a billion dollars below its earnings projections." The Boss continues with his mouth full, "From now on, only the managers at my level or above may eat donuts at company meetings." The Boss continues, "This won't be easy for any of us. Heck, I don't even know if I can eat this many donuts."
Dilbert shows the Boss new computer hardware and tells him, "For only twenty-five thousand dollars I've eliminated many tedious and time-consuming processes." The Boss asks, "What would be an example of one of those tedious and time-consuming processes?" Dilbert replies, "Well, there was the process of sitting around and wishing I had more computer stuff . . ." The Boss thinks, "Next time don't ask."
Dogbert points to a picture of a man with a lightbulb over his head. Dogbert says, "Many of you come to my management seminar as optimistic, creative, clear-speaking individuals." Dogbert continues, "But with hard work, you can become jargon-spewing corporate zombies, like Carl here." Dilbert sits in the audience. Carl sits in a chair looking straight ahead and saying, "I want to dialogue with you about utilizing resources." Dogbert says, "Good boy! Here's a donut." Dogbert tosses him a donut.
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Does it bother you that I won fifty million dollars in my lawsuit, whereas you still toil to remain middle class?" Dogbert asks, "Does it bother you to know that I could buy and sell you . . How many times?" A woman with a calculator says, "834 times." Dogbert says, "Hey, it's gone up since lunch!"
Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."
Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. As Dilbert assembles a device, Dogbert says, "I was wondering if you could build a phaser pistol so I can zap the many fools I encounter every day." Dogbert continues, "Nothing lethal, just enough to make them twitch wildly and scream. It would be fun." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't be very nice to the fools." Dogbert replies, "I just think you guys should provide more value to society."
Alice: I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you. My entire family is in a coma....The cat ate my wedding ring,,,,The IRS is auditing us....my boss made a pass at me. It isn't working, you aren't absorbing my woes. Dilbert: Im wearing into woe cologne.
Dogbert: I recently received this angry letter from a mister 'Dork'. Mr. Dork informs me that the many people surnamed Dork are not amused that I once used the word "Dorkage" He demands an apology. I apologize to all the dorks who were offended. I hope we can put this behind us.