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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #mistake, #waiting, #medical

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Dilbert sits in his chair and the Grim Reaper sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "So since my time ISN'T up, all you can do is wait around?" The Grim Reaper replies, "Basically." Dilbert says, "Well, as long as you're here, let me tell you about my recent trip to the Fresno Raisin Festival. It all started . . ." The Grim Reaper says as he leaves Dilbert's house, "My mistake. Guys like you live forever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #broken, #safety, #seal, #pills, #medical, #issues

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Dilbert stands in the bathroom looking in the medicine cabinet. He has a headache. Dilbert holds a bottle and reads a label that says, "Do not use if seal is broken." Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . How are you supposed to get the pills out?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #employee, #drug, #testing, #program, #turning, #positive, #Classic, #symptoms

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #emphasize positive, #french staellite, #trending downward, #upbeat, #war with france, #project staus

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dilberts letter: "Project status: We accidentally destroyed the French satellite and are now at war with France." Elbonian: "Maybe you should be a little more upbeat in your report. Emphasize the positive." letter: "...on a positive note, our headcount expenses are trending downward."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #about co workers, #donuts, #get prompted, #say bad things, #weight, #woman, #medical

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DOGBERT: If you want to get promoted , say bad things about co workers so you look better by comparison. Dilbert: Geez, Lisa, It looks like you've been hotting the donuts pretty hard lately. Dilbert: heh-hehe...big things are coming my way soon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #health care, #money, #surgery, #constant agony, #false alarm, #medical

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Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #surgery, #carpool, #room in carpool, #permanent damges, #wear braces, #medical

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"I hear you need a carpool urgently." "No, I need 'carpal tunnel surgery'." "The repetitive motion of typing has caused permanent damage. I have to wear braces until the surgery." "There's no room in my carpool."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #assets ratio, #boost, #security department, #brisk redcution, #joking, #den

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We need to boost our return-on-assets ratio." Wally says, "Let's eliminate the security department. That would cut expenses while allowing for a brisk reduction in assets." As they walk away, Dilbert asks Wally, "When are you planning to tell him you were joking?" Wally responds, "After I furnish my den."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #christmas of 92, #mall, #filberts dad, #different not worse, #death, #loss, #missing, #lives at mall, #medical

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Dilbert and Liz are having tea with Dilbert's mother, who says, "It's really different around here since we lost Dilbert's dad." Liz asks, "When did he die?" Dilbert says, "He's not dead. We lost him at the mall, Christmas of '92." Liz looks shocked and asks, "Shouldn't you be looking for him?" Dilbert's mom replies, "I said it's different, not worse."