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Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money
Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."
The moron in messy suit stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The moron says, "Then we need tp PV the DCF and get the ROI to the EOC ASAP." Dilbert says, "Are you our new CFO or a babbling idiot who just happened to wander by?" The moron says, "Which one pays more?" Dilbert thinks, "The mystery deepens."
Caption: "Chief Financial Officer" The moron sits between Dilbert and the Boss. The moron says, "I need one-sentence descriptions of each of your projects." Dilbert says, "You're planning to make critical budget decisions based on THAT? " The Moron says, "Yes." Wally stands behind Dilbert who sits at his computer. Wally says, "Wow. Five pages without using a period." Dilbert says, "Thank God for semi-colons."
Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."
At the staff meeting, The Boss pokes his head in and says, "I have to make a quick phone call." Dilbert says, "Do you want to make small talk?" Wally says, "No." Wally says, "I brought a magazine." Dilbert asks,"Could you tear out a few pages for me to read?" Wally says, "That wouldn't be right." Dilbert says, "Give me some pages or else I'll ask Alice about panty hose." Dilbert says, "You wouldn't dare." Dilbert says, "So, Alice, what do you think about the concept of panty hose?" Alice screams, "Aaargh!! What moron invented leg covers that can be destroyed by touching a twig?!" Wally tears some pages out from his magazine and offers them to Dilbert saying, "Make it stop!" Dilbert says, "Too late." Alice puts her legs up on the table and says, "Look at this!!!"
Wally reads at a desk, Dilbert listens. Wally says, "Our company newsletter has reports of bizarre work-place crimes." Wally reads, "I've never thought of these crimes before, but now I have the urge to be a copycat." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "Thank goodness my parents raised me to be lazy." Dilbert says, "They were very wise."
Dilbert is sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV. Dogbert says to him, "I'm trying a little experiment tonight." Dobert continues, "I'll attribute a stupid opinion to you..." "Then I"ll aggressively mock you while you sit there saying nothing." Dogbert says, "So, according to you, the internet is a passing fad." Dogbert screams, "You moron! Look around you! The internet is everywhere!" Then, "And there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing!" Dilbert, who has turned back to the TV, asks, "How did that feel?" Dogbert replies, "Quite satisfying." Dilbert offers Dogbert some of what he's eating. Dogbert then adds, "I needed a backup plan in case you every get laryngitis."
"Carol, shred this." "The shredder is right behind you, next to the fax." "What if I do it wrong?" "Only a complete moron could do it wrong." "Um...I think I might have just faxed our strategy someplace." "And that's why you never see a water fountain in a men's restroom."
"Dilbert, come up with a plan to integrate our product with the one we acquired through the merger." "Okay. My plan is to throw away the competitor's product because it's just a cheap knock-off of our product." "How about a plan that doesn't make our CEO look like a moron?" "He could stop wearing sleeveless sweaters."