Move Eyebrows Comic Strips - Page 7
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The Boss, Dogbert and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian says, "We're offering attractive incentives to companies that move to Elbonia." The Elbonian continues, "Zero taxes, cheerful slave labor, amnesty from any inconvenient laws, and absolutely no environmental regulations!" The Boss asks, "Is that the best you can do?" The Elbonian hands a baby across the table and says, "Here, use my first born son as a lawn ornament."
Ratbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "I've been hired by the finance department to help cut spending." Ratbert continues, "I'll be studying your every move and looking for waste and inefficiency." Looking over Dilbert's shoulder at his monitor, Ratbert says, "Those words in boldface look like they're sucking up the ol' electricity."
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's World of the Unexplained." Dogbert says, "I am at the farm of Kay and Clem Bovinski . . ." Dogbert walks up the front steps and continues, ". . . The location of unexplained phenomena." The caption says, "(Deep voice) The disturbances have lasted 40 years." The Bovinskis sit on their couch. Kay says, "Objects move all by themselves. Sometimes they hit Clem." Clem says, "I reckon it's poltergeist, no other explanation makes sense." A lamp hits Clem on the head. Clem lies on the floor and Kay sits on the couch looking suspicious. Dogbert says, "Cut."
Alice walks away from Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I don't believe men have a special chromosome to tell them which assignments are a waste of time." Dilbert leans out of his cubicle and says, "We do." Alice approaches Asok and thinks, "I will test the theory on young Asok the intern." Asok looks at the documents Alice is holding and says, "Mmm . . . The sweet smell of unnecessary work." Alice thinks, "Maybe men are more perceptive than you'd think." Asok thinks, "She's aroused. I'll make my move."
Alice asks Dilbert, "What are you doing in the marketing department?" Dilbert pulls a cubicle wall and replies, "It's an experiment." Dilbert explains, "I sneak down here once a week and move this guy's cubicle wall in by a quarter-inch." A man with a briefcase tries to squeeze into a tiny cubicle. Alice asks, "What's this experiment going to prove?" Dilbert replies, "I forget. It's been a long time."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."
The Boss tells Wally, "Bad news on your performance review, Wally." The Boss continues, "Everyone performed the same. But I'm required to rank the group on a bell curve." The Boss continues, "I had to make up some flaws to move you down the curve. Here's a pen. Sign it." Wally reads the review, "Employee does not wash hands after using the restroom."
Dilbert carries a monitor. A man says, "Hey, that's a union job. Put it down or I'll file a grievance." Dilbert says, "I'm only moving it ten feet. If I wait for a union person, I'll be unable to do my job for a week." The man says, "Watch me not care." Dilbert wears a hooded black suit and holds a grappling hook. Dogbert says, "If anyone sees you move the PC tonight, try saying you're Johnny Cash." Dilbert says, "Maybe I should just use the elevator."
Dogbert sits on a stool. The panel contains the title, "Dogbert Presents: The Seven Advantages of Being Dumb." The caption says, "1. Impending doom doesn't bother you." Dilbert tells Bob the Dinosaur, "There's a hole in the ozone layer." Bob replies, "Cool!" The caption says, "2. Television is a source of constant wonder." Bob sits in a chair watching tv and thinking, "I wonder if Doogie is a doctor in real life." The caption says, "3. You have a solution for every problem." Bob thinks, "If people are starving in Africa they should move to France." The caption says, "4. You are not constrained by a budget." Bob sits in the driver's seat of a convertible car. He shouts to Dilbert, "It was free! They just make you sign papers!" The caption says, "5. You've seen Elvis . . . Frequently." Bob watches a man walk by and says, "It's the King!" The caption says, "6. Instant replays are as exciting as live action." Bob watches tv and thinks, "This time he could make it." The caption says, "7. You receive twice as many compliments." Dogbert says, "You're kind of the Dan Quayle of dinosaurs." Bob says, "Really?! Wow!"
Dilbert and Dogbert go for a walk. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor that my company will move to South Dakota, but I don't believe it." Dogbert stands on a rock and says, "South Dakota... isn't that where your CEO grew up? Maybe he wants to be near his parents to get free baby-sitting." Dilbert checks the mailbox. Dilbert holds a letter and says, "That's the most cynical thought I've ever heard in my life." Dogbert says, "Thanks, I'm blushing under my fur."