Search Results for "never break"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #break into subgroups, #net meeting, #usual time, #loose canon, #label, #hackneyed phrases, #cut now type

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wally: "I recommend that we break into subgroups to create a process for choosing our next meeting time." alice: "Or we could just meet next week at our usual time." wally: "You're a loose canon." Alice: "Stop labeling me with hackneyed phrases!" Wally: "You're a 'cut now, measure later' type."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cpr on blob, #fire in break room, #sprinkler system, #water melketed, #witch melted

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The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2004's comic on:


Tags #prima donna, #never produced anything, #except arrogance, #noise, #ta-da, #case closed, #stand behind, #end sentences

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"Asok, I want you to work for the prima donna. Do what ever he tells you." "May I point out that he has never produced anything except arrogance and noise?" "You will stand behind me, and when I end a sentence, you will either say, 'Ta-da' or 'case closed.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2004's comic on:


Tags #greetings earthlings, #planetary annihilation, #break room, #new coffee stirrers

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"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #break even, #kudos, #motion sensors, #break room, #calculate energy

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The Boss: Kudos to Ted for his suggestion to put motion sensors on the lights in the break room. Dilbert: Hold it! I calculate that the energy savings are offset by the lost productivity of the meeting. The Boss: We have to burn the plaque for heat just to break even.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2004's comic on:


Tags #explain the issue, #never comprehend, #conflicts, #never understand

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"I know I keep asking you this but could you explain the issue again?" "Well, something that you could never comprehend conflicts with something that you'd never understand." "Oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2005's comic on:


Tags #nick name, #illusion of competence, #the wizard, #info guru, #punch more, #break room, #coffee

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Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #can't deliver parts, #promised parts, #better job, #never buy

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Dilbert: Our vendors rep says they can't deliver the parts for three months. The Boss: that just means he promised the parts to some other customer who did a better job of threatening him. Dilbert: How about if I say we'll never buy from you gain? vendor: Id say you're not exactly buying form us now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #overall startegy, #never ask questiom, #hear the answer

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How does my project fit into our company's overall strategy? "Beats me. I didn't even know we had a strategy." "Never ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer." "That's why I never say 'How are you?'"