No Value Comic Strips - Page 7
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138 Results for No Value
View 61 - 70 results for no value comic strips. Discover the best "No Value" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday January 03,
2015
Single Dilbert Is Valuable
Tags #competition, #dating, #low standards, #Men, #market value, #single guy, #low bar, #tall, #employed, #height, #relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday March 11,
2015
How To Make Money While Adding No Value
Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary
Transcript
CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?
Friday September 11,
2015
Value Of A Start Up Idea
Sunday February 04,
2018
Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?
Saturday September 07,
2019
Centralizing The Decentralized
Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #value
Transcript
Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.
Thursday November 12,
2020
Yes Queen
Tags #business, #business people, #sarcasm, #value, #appreciation, #queen, #devalue
Transcript
asok: alice, i want you to know that i hear you and i value you. alice: that's terrific maybe you could stop talking to me in that super creepy and condescending way. asok: yes, queen. alice: who broke you?
Wednesday August 10,
2011
Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style
Transcript
Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?
Saturday August 24,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #senator, #appreciate, #close, #vote, #senate, #Political, #committee, #Dogbert, #blind, #faith, #system, #whiskey
Transcript
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Now that you own a senator, what are you going to do with him?" Dogbert says, "He'll appreciate in value when a close vote comes up in the Senate. Then I'll sell him to a political action committee." Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my blind faith in the system." Dogbert says, "He's hungry. Do we have any whiskey?"
Saturday July 18,
1992
Tags #computer, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #math, #talk, #doing, #circle, #pi, #jillion
Transcript
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I spent my entire fortune to buy this supercomputer." Dogbert asks, "What does it do?" Dilbert replies, "It can calculate the value of pi to about a jillion decimal places . . ." Dilbert continues, "A lot of people TALK about the areas of circles, but I'm DOING something about it."
Thursday February 11,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #creativity, #consultant, #intuition, #mumbo jumbo, #quantitative data, #decisions, #assumptions, #calculate, #net, #discount, #rate, #meaninggless
Transcript
A man stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, "We don't need any of your 'intuition' mumbo jumbo. We need quantitative data!" The man continues, "The only way to make decisions is to pull numbers out of the air, call them 'assumptions,' and calculate the net present value." The man continues, "Of course, you have to use the right discount rate, otherwise it's meaningless." Dogbert says, "Go away."