Non Elbonian Comic Strips - Page 7
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The Boss: we've discovered oil in the Elbonian wild life preserve. DOnt worry about the endangered species. Our drilling will have no impact. ELbonian: oops
An Elbonian is holding a tin can tied to a string to his ear. The Elbonia says, "I'm sad to report that our drilling has caused the extinction of the Elbonian unicorn." The boss, at his desk, is on the phone. The boss says, "Save a sample of the animal's DNA so we can clone a new one." The Elbonian with the tin can turns to another Elbonian, who is eating a burger. The first Elbonian says, "Don't finish that."
Wally says to Asok, "The first week after getting an assignment is called 'The Wally Period.' Wally continues, "Never do work during the Wally period because most tasks become unnecessary within seven days." Asok exclaims, "I want a period named after me!" Wally replies, "Whoa, Asok. That takes many years of non-work."
The Boss approaches Asok and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on our special self- monitoring program." The Boss continues, "If you have any questions whatsoever, feel free to talk to yourself." As he walks away, The Boss thinks, "I'm the master of non-monetary rewards."
Caption reads: "Catbert, evil H.R. Director." Catbert is sitting behind a desk in a throne-like chair. He tells Dilbert, who is sitting in a very small chair: "We've decided to give you a new personality." Dilbert is surprised: "What! Why?" Catbert explains: "You're current personality is non-standard." He continues: "You must choose one of the approved corporate personalities." Catbert presents the options: "The choices are sycophant, glad-hander, sadist, quantoid, prima donna, empty suit, or whining misfit." Dilbert says: "Empty suit sounds interesting." Catbert says: "Excellent choice. Here's the Spec Sheet." Wally asks Dilbert about the meeting: "How did it go?" Dilbert answers, reading from the Spec Sheet: "Same ol' Same ol'. You got that right!"
Carol says into the telephone, "And I'd like the copier repair guy to be a tall non- smoker with well-defined abs." Carol continues, "Oh. You're not a dating service, eh? Well if I give you money and you send some guy then it's just semantics." Carol continues, "And could you shave his back and oil him up before you send him?"
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "It's critical that you finish this engineering analysis by Tuesday." Dilbert says, "Aahh.. It has the sweet smell of an unnecessary assignment." Wally says, "Yes, I can smell it from here." Dilbert says, "Feasibility of using non-existent software." Wally giggles, "Hee Hee!" The Boss says, "Stop being you."
Dogbert is meeting with an Elbonian. The Elbonian says, "Elbonia has gotten a bad reputation. We need your help to rebuild our image." The Elbonian continues, "The problem began when we discovered a civilization of leprechauns living under our mud." The Elbonian continues, "Now they're our primary export. But we underestimated the vegetarian backlash."
"Are you going to lunch?" "Lunch already?" "Sheesh! I barely had time to come late to work, eat breakfast, use the plumbing and read the paper." "You take your non-work seriously." "I'm trying to develop a sense of non-urgency."
Wally: I'm planning to replace myself with cheap Elbonian labor. Watch this: Turn around and try to describe my appearance. Dilbert: I see glasses...a coffee mug...and thats all, Wally: This will work.