One Clown Car Comic Strips - Page 7
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Dogbert stands in the cabin of the corporate jet wearing a parachute on his back. He says to the CEO, "It looks like the plane's going down and there's only one parachute." The CEO looks shocked. The CEO grabs the parachute and screams, "Give it to me!!! I'm a CEO with a Harvard MBA. You're a dog!!" Dogbert and the CEO fall through the air wearing packs on their backs. Dogbert says to the CEO, "That's my knapsack." As some fruit and loose paper falls out of the CEO's pack, he says, "Old joke."
Wally says to the Boss, "I don't understand how the new reorganization will help us 'focus on our core business.'" Wally continues, "Did our core business change? Or are you saying that EVERY reorg prior to this was a misdirected failure?" The Boss asks hypothetically, "Wally, when a car gets a flat tire, what do you do?" Wally answers, "Well, if I'm you, I rotate the tires and drive home."
The Boss says to his secretary, "I've gotta run to the post office." The secretary says, "You go to the post office every day. Are you aware that you can buy more than one stamp at a time?" The Boss replies, "Apparently you don't understand the concept of 'float.'"
Dogbert walks on the sidewalk. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks, "Hey dog! What's the quickest way to go to the hospital?" Dogbert replies, "Drive as fast as you can into that tree." The driver asks, "What's the second quickest way?" Dogbert replies, "Hmm . . . Well, go left, then right, right, left, left, left, right, left, left." The says, "Thanks!" as he drives away. Dogbert thinks, "Actually, I have no idea how to get to the hospital . . ." Dogbert thinks, "But I didn't want him to think I'm a jerk."
Dilbert's car taps the car behind it. Dilbert says, "Oh, carp . . . I'd better see if I dented it." Dilbert leans into the car and tells the driver, "Your bumper doesn't appear to be . . . Uh-oh." The driver's legs and arms are contorted. He shouts at Dilbert, "Look what you've done to me, you oaf!!" The man hops out of the car and shouts, "I'll see you in court!!" The driver sits in the witness stand and tells the judge, ". . . And now I'll never be able to work again." The lawyer asks, "What kind of work did you do?" The man replies, "Well, uh . . . Er . . . Um . . ." The man answers, "Circus contortionist." The man adds, "As far as the settlement goes, I can be flexible."
Dilbert drives his car. He says, "Uh-oh, what's that lying in the road up there?" Dilbert says, "It looks like a squished animal, or maybe a bird." Dogbert sits in the passenger's seat. Dilbert continues, "I think it moved . . . Maybe it's still alive." Dogbert turns his head and says, "I don't want to look . . . It could be disgusting." Dilbert turns his head back and says, ". . . Can't resist. I have to look anyway." Dilbert screams and says, "It's disgusting!!" Dilbert says, "Oh, wait . . . It's just an old shoe." Dilbert cries, "What's that little blob up ahead?!" Dogbert replies, "I think it's your brain."
Dilbert and Alice approach Dogbert who is sitting on a desk. Dilbert says, "My new boss is possessed by an evil force. We need your advice, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "There is only one solution. You must drive a stake through his heart." Dilbert says, "There's no way we could be so cruel!!" Alice holds up a pen and says, "Can I borrow your pen? All I have is this wimpy retractable."
Dilbert points to a diagram on an overhead projector. Dilbert says to the Boss, "You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us." Dilbert continues, "But we wasted four million dollars trying to debug the software." Dilbert continues, "And the entire staff of our quality assurance group quit to become mimes." The Boss responds, "Let's blame the mimes; they won't talk."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Asok the Intern sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that 40% of your sick days are on Fridays and Mondays. This is unacceptable." Asok throws his head back and shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! That's a good one!!!" Asok sees the serious look on the Boss's face. He turns to Dilbert and Wally and says, "Please tell me he was kidding." Wally says, "Welcome to hell, kid."