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View 61 - 70 results for one resource comic strips. Discover the best "One Resource" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #little talk, #finish project, #estimate resource requirements, #endorsement, #uninpsired, #incompetence, #incessant demands, #strangled prodcutivity, #performance, #expectations

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Wally follows the Boss and says, "We need to have a little talk . . ." Wally continues, "You told me to finish my project in a week but it's taken two months." Wally continues, "This doesn't look good for your ability to estimate resource requirements." The Boss sits at his desk. Wally continues, "Frankly, it's not much of an endorsement of your leadership either. I was uninspired the whole time." Wally continues, "And don't even get me started about your incompetence at budgeting. I spent WAY more than you predicted!" Wally pretends to strangle himself as he says, "Your incessant demands for status reports were like a rope that strangled my productivity!" Wally continues, "Bottom line, your performance did NOT meet my expectations." Wally's clothes are disheveled and his glasses are bent, Dilbert says, "So, Wally, do you still think the best defense is a good offense?" Wally replies, "It seemed like such a good idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #fear of action, #festering cynicism, #lame company, #loyalty, #micromanged, #need help, #only one on earth, #physical abnormalities, #six years experince, #downsizing

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the armrest of the chair. Dilbert says, "I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert carries Dogbert to the desk as he explains, "My company is downsizing. They told us to write our own job requirements then reapply for our jobs." Dogbert asks, "Why do you want to keep working for such a lame company?" Dilbert quips, "Loyalty!" Dilbert and Dogbert laugh. Dogbert says, "Good one." Dogbert says, "Okay. You must write your job requirements so you are the only one on earth who fits." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert dictates, "The candidate must have six years experience sitting in a big box being micromanaged by a nitwit." Dilbert adds, "The candidate must have a festering cynicism and an acquired fear of action." Dogbert says, "Good." Dilbert says, "That narrows it to ten thousand employees." Dogbert says, "We'll have to focus on your physical abnormalities."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #address envelope, #death penalty, #helpless, #master plan, #one way trip, #solve small problems, #speaking engilsh, #training, #south korea

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The Boss holds a letter and says, "Carol, how do I address an envelope?" Carol, his secretary, sings, "I'll do it." Carol explains to Dilbert, "I'm training him to be helpless." She says, "It's part of my master plan to eliminate him." Carol says, "I do everything for him. Soon he'll lose his ability to solve small problems alone." She says, "Then I'll 'accidentally' book him on a one-way trip to South Korea." Carol says, "Before he goes, I'll tell him they have a death penelty for speaking English." Carol laughs a maniacal laugh and says, "We'll never see him again. Buwahaha!" Dilbert walks off and says, "It's worth a shot." The Boss calls from his office and says, "Carol, how do I dial for an outside line?" Carol says, "I'll do it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad clothes, #casula clothes, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #explain logic, #hawaiian shirt, #impact on earnings, #one casual day

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Catbert sits at his computer, prring as he types. He thinks, "Another evil policy. I'm a happy cat." The Boss reads from a memo and says, "Casual clothes will not be allowed this Friday..." The Boss continues, "...Because we had Hawaiian shirt day on Wednesday." Everyone has question marks floating above their heads. Alice says, "Um... can you explain the logic here?" The Boss says, "We're only allowed one casual day per week." Wally says, "Why?" The Boss says, "If we had TWO casual days, obviously it would have an impact on earnings." Wally says, "Does stupidity have an impact on our earnings, too, or just bad clothes?" The Boss says, "We're only sure about bad clothes." Dilbert says, "Alice, you're killing us with that outfit." Alice glares.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boss zone, #donuts on hair, #executive retreat, #failure, #one month, #project, #six phases, #uncertainty, #approval

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The Boss sits at his desk and hands a piece of paper to Alice. The Boss says, "Get my approval at each phase. Finish in one month." Alice looks at the paper and says, "Let's see.. You're on vacation next week. Then you're traveling, then there's an executive retreat..." Alice continues while the Boss appears to listen, "It takes three weeks to get on your calendar... and the project has six phases..." Alice says, "What we have here is guaranteed failure." Alice says, "You've left nothing to chance on this one." Alice says, "I mean, normally there's a bit of uncertainty, but you've..oh." Alice says, "You've slipped into the "Boss Zone" where you can't see or hear employee input." The Boss is a zombie and Alice waves her hand in front of his eyes to no effect. The Boss says to Carol, his secretary, "It's weird. I lost ten minutes, and when I woke up, my doughnuts were gone." A doughnut is stuck on each of The Boss's tufts of hair.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #human resources, #randomly selected, #drug test, #unlucky at work, #hair samples, #one whole eyebrow, #lost box, #business

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Catbert sits at his computer terminal. The monitor dispalys a picture of Wally, labeled Victims. Catbert thinks, "You're next." Catbert stands in Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, you've been randomly selected for an employee drug test." Wally says, "Randomly? Why am I the only one who gets picked every week?!" Catbert says, "You're very unlucky at work. But I'm sure you compensate by being lucky at love." Catbert laughs a maniacal laugh. Catbert says, "Anyway... our new drug test uses hair samples." Catbert holds a little box and says, "To be safe, give me six hairs... and one whole eyebrow." Catbert walks off with his box, purring. He thinks, "I'll come back in an hour and says I lost the box."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #lawsuit, #against company, #truth, #usual engineering, #no one understands, #whistleblower, #sound the same

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The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to testify in the lawsuit against our company." The boss says, "Tell the truth, but do it in your usual engineering way so that no one understands you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I've decidedd to be a whistle-blower." The boss says, "Whatever. It'll all sound the same!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new guy doing, #embryo in jar, #got fertiziled, #cute one

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Dilbert holds a coffe mug and says to Wally, "How's the new guy doing?" Wally looks at Embryo on the desk and says, "Not bad for an embryo in a jar." Wally says, "I hate the fact that he only got fertilized a week ago and he gets paid more than I do." Dilbert says, "In all fairness, he does obstruct progress less than you do." Wally says, "Everyone sides with the cute one."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 1999's comic on:


Tags #the turnaround ceo, #mole, #fire, #affect revenue, #outsource everything, #one smart employee, #risk, #rude

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The Turnaround CEO The devilish looking CEO asks Dilbert, "Tell me, mole, who can I fire without affecting revenue?" Dilbert replies, "In theory, you could outsource everything and run the company with one smart employee." Dilbert continues, "And at the risk of sounding rude, only one of us knew that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1999's comic on:


Tags #executive mba program, #one hour long, #degree, #prestigious university

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The boss, Wally and Dilbert are sitting at a table. The boss says: "I signed up for an executive MBA program." The boss says: "It's one-hour long and I get a degree from a prestigious university." The boss says: "I'd better run. I'm already a half-hour late."