Pioneered Lame Joke Comic Strips - Page 7
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The Boss says, "Beth is our new marketing manager for social media." The Boss says, "By the way, company policy forbids the use of Facebook and Twitter at work. And we don't trust you to work from home." The Boss says, "If you blog about how lame we are, you're fired!!!" Beth thinks, "First day, not so good."
Coworker says, "What do you get when you combine cognitive bias with inaccurate information?" Coworker says, "Our business strategy! Hahahahahaha!!!" Coworker says, "I guess I should keep my day job." Dilbert says, "Good luck with that."
Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm
The boss says, "Did you tell a customer that you're not allowed to talk to customers?" Dilbert says, "Yes." The boss says, "You fool! That makes us look lame!" Dilbert says, "What was I supposed to do when she asked me a question?" The boss says, "Did you have access to scissors?"
The Boss says, "From now on, we will refer to all of our problems as opportunities." Carol says, "One of your idiot spawn was playing with the oven and burned down your house." Wally says, "Camping opportunity?"
The boss says, "How much will it cost to develop our next generation product?" Dilbert says, "It will cost whatever you put in the budget." The boss says, "How much should I put in the budget?" Dilbert says, "Ask for the biggest number you think will get approved." Dilbert says, "If we get a lot of money we can build something great." Dilbert says, "If we don't get much money we can build something lame, and compensate for the lack of quality by lying more vigorously than usual." The boss says, "I'll aim low so I don't get yelled at during the executive budget meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I remember the time when this sort of thing would haunt me."
The Boss says, "I don't understand either of your technical proposals, and I need to pick one." The Boss says, "Normally I'd use favoritism, but I don't like either one of you." The Boss says, "So I'll give you an intelligence test, and I'll approve the proposal of whoever is the smartest." The Boss says, "If you shoot an arrow at a monkey from an airplane..." The Boss says, "And the monkey throws a coconut at the incoming arrow to stop it, but he misses..." The Boss says, "How can you tell what time it is?" Dilbert says, "There's not enough data." Coworker says, "You look at your watch?" The Boss says, "The correct answer is 'Ask the monkey and hope he doesn't hold a grudge."
Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?
Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!
Boss: Tina complained that your foul language is creating a hostile work environment. Alice: That's ridiculous. Words are totally harmless. Tell Tina she can... [Ten Seconds Later. The boss is twitching] Okay, I see it now.