Predetermined Answer Comic Strips - Page 7
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162 Results for Predetermined Answer
View 61 - 70 results for predetermined answer comic strips. Discover the best "Predetermined Answer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday August 10,
1998
Tags #answering, #asking questions, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #hiring, #interrupted at work, #interview, #make stronger, #work
Transcript
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert interviews a man. Catbert says, "Are you able to work while being constantly interrupted?" The man says, "No. I would be totally ineffective, just like anyone else." Catbert says, "We were done with the section you had to answer honestly." The man says, "Oh. In that case, interruptions make me stronger."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday September 26,
1998
Tags #Dogbert, #ratbert, #couch, #living room, #conversation, #gaps in conversation, #fill in gaps, #random
Transcript
Ratbert and Dogbert are on the couch. Dogbert holds a remote control and leans against a cushion. Ratbert says, "Do you mind if I fill the gaps in our conversation with random observations?" Dogbert says, "No." Ratbert says, "So, you got a little pillow there, eh? Eh?" Ratbert says, "When I say, "Eh?", that's your cue to answer."
Sunday March 26,
1995
Tags #photocopier, #access code, #proprietary information, #same comapny, #ask question, #who's on first
Transcript
Dilbert stands at the copier reading a message that says, "Please enter photocopier access code." A woman stands behind him. Dilbert asks, "What's the code for this machine?" The woman replies, "That's proprietary information." Dilbert says, "We work for the same company. My cubicle is down the hall." The woman says, "I have no way of verifying your claim. Anybody could come in here and say that." Dilbert says, "Ask me a question that only an employee of this company could answer." The woman replies, "Okay." The woman asks, "What is the access code for this copier?" Dilbert looks at the woman. Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The woman holds up a document and says, "I just have one . . ."
Sunday February 16,
1997
Tags #leadership seminar, #manager motivates employees, #14 hour days, #filthy sadist, #pointy haired imbecile, #leader, #unpopular decions, #training engineers
Transcript
Alice, Dilbert and Wally grumble as they enter a leadership seminar. The instructor asks, "What would you call a manager who motivates employees to work fourteen hours a day?" Alice answers, "A filthy sadist." Dilbert answers, "Pointy-haired imbecile." The instructor says, "Umm . . . No . . . That's not what I'm looking for." Wally says, "I think he means what do we call him to his face." Alice, Dilbert and Wally answer in unison, "Leader." The instructor says, "Right! And what do you call someone who can make unpopular decisions again and again?" Someone replies, "A filthy sadist?" Another participant says, "Wait, it might be another trick question." The instructor thinks, "I hate training engineers."
Wednesday April 21,
1999
Tags #dogbert consults, #eliminate phone support, #via internet, #discourage people, #ominous list, #personal questions
Transcript
Caption: "Dogbert Consults" Sogbert stands on the boss's desk. DOgbert says, "Eliminate phone support for your product. Provide help only via the internet." Dogbert's tail wags and he says, "Then discourage people by making them answer an ominous list of personal questions." Man looks terrified in front of his computer the computer screen reads, "1. What is your home address? 2. When do you shower?"
Monday February 21,
2000
Tags #paul tergeist, #technology, #new lab partner, #pen hovering
Transcript
A strange-looking man with a tie that sticks-up in the air introduces himself to Dilbert who is sitting facing his computer. The man says: "My name is Paul Tergeist." Dilbert is attentively looking at his computer which displays an error message. Paul Tergeist continues: "I have a way with technology." Dilbert's computer crashes. The Boss appears and asks Dilbert: "Have you met your new lab partner?" Dilbert does not answer him, however, as he is staring with perplexity at his pen, which is suspended in mid-air before his eyes. Dilbert exclaims: "My pen is hovering!"
Tuesday February 27,
2001
Tags #huge, #management training, #stupid mistake, #class, #school, #learn from it, #education
Transcript
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says to Alice and the rest of the Management Training class, "What would you do if you made a huge, incredibly stupid mistake?" A man sitting next to Alice in the class raises his hand and says, "I would try to learn from it." Dogbert asks, "Did you learn anything from your answer?"
Thursday July 19,
2001
Tags #dinner, #socially defective brain, #voicemail, #speakerphone
Transcript
Ron is sitting at his desk, using speakerphone to listen to his messages. The voice mail service is heard aloud, "Press one to hear." Alice approaches from behind and asks, "Why are you using your speakerphone for voice-mail?" She continues, annoyed, "I mean, seriously, what is going through that socially defective brain of yours?" Ron responds, "Would you like to have dinner?" To which Alice's answer is, "Yeah, why not."
Thursday March 28,
2002
Tags #answers, #code language, #engineers, #justified, #no understanding, #questions, #roi, #policy
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "From now on, everything we do must be justified by R.O.I." Dilbert asks, "What's the R.O.I. for this new policy about calculating R.O.I.?" The Boss says, "I said 'from now on.'" Dilbert points at The Boss and says, "What about your answer? No R.O.I."
Wednesday May 01,
2002
Tags #dont email, #cucbilce, #manage and review, #reveiwed, #can't release
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Don't e-mail your answer to my boss until I've reviewed it." Dilbert responds, "Um... Okay." Dilbert asks, "May I walk to my cubicle now or would you like to review the route first?" The Boss replies, "Now that you mentioned it, I can't release."