Read Contract Comic Strips - Page 7

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295 Results for Read Contract

View 61 - 70 results for read contract comic strips. Discover the best "Read Contract" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract emplyee, #dangling carrot, #regular emplyee, #understand metaphors

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I'll bring you on as a contract employee. "Then I'll keep you motivated by dangling the carrot of becoming a regular employee." "Your first mistake was assuming that he understands metaphors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #didn't read, #email, #improve communication, #long rambling email, #someone else, #meeting, #business

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The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #finished contract, #miocene epoch, #hoof fossil, #signature, #rushed

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A lawyer says, "I just finished a contract I started during the Miocene epoch." The lawyer says, "...Assuming this hoof fossil is a signature." The lawyers says, "These things can't be rushed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fortune, #personally negotiating, #contract, #new era system, #several components, #software, #hardware, #engineering

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The Boss says, "I saved a fortune by personally negotiating the contract for our new ERP system." Dilbert says, "You bought outdated hardware and forgot several components that are required." Dilbert says, "And I like software with my hardware, but that's just me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #incompetent, #dogbert investment bank, #shareholder, #bribe, #merger, #unwise, #commission, #best seller, #read, #jail

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Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #powerpoint, #waste time, #slow motion, #read, #project emu, #tie, #pull, #yank, #strangle, #business

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Man says, "I could've e-mailed you my powerpoint deck, and you could have read it in five minutes." Man says, "But I prefer making you sit here for an hour while I read each bullet point in slow motion." Man says, "P-o-i-n-t n-u-m-b-e-r o-n-e?" Wally says, "Yank this as hard as you can."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient, #business

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Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #changes, #pension plan, #company wide, #email, #read email, #compulsion, #details, #engineers, #brain, #best meeting, #humiliate boss, #called out

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The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract changes, #last month, #negotiate, #not authorized, #hope to wear you down

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Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

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The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."