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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert hands Dilbert a book and says, "I thought of another way to profit from the ignorance of humans." Dogbert explains, "I wrote 'The Dogbert Formula for Health.' I recommend a daily dose of food, sleep and exercise." Dogbert says, "And for only $19.95 you can buy the patented 'Dogbert Joggerobic Carpet Patch' to help you run in place."
The garbage man looks in Dilbert's trash can and says, "Hoo-boy! I hope you're not going to show this to anybody." The garbage man reads a document and says, "Oh, it's obviously a first draft. By now you've run it though the spelling checker." Dilbert says, "Technologists are concerned with IDEAS, not spelling." The garbage man says, "Well, since you brought it up . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the edge of the desk. Dogbert says, "How can this be the season of good cheer when I don't even have my gifts yet?" Dogbert continues, "I mean, what if you get me something stupid? I'll hate you forever and have to run away." Dilbert says, "Your psychology won't work this year. I will not buy more gifts." Dogbert says, "You'll probably find me dead in some snow bank."
Dilbert: "The only way to get ahead in this company is by getting promoted to management." "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get promoted. I want to follow in your footsteps." "But I'm wondering if a lobotomy is actually necessary." "No, we'll just run you through 'quality training'."
The Boss: Sue was hired to run our new dignity enhancement program. Her charter is to help the employees feel good about themselves while they work harder for less money. Dilbert: How can we afford to hire somebody new? The Boss: Do you remember those cow orders you used to have?
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."
Catbert stands on a cubicle wall, dangling a chart by a string. Catbert says, "Come see the new org chart." Wally and Alice run toward the chart with out-streched arms. Catbert yanks the chart out of reach and says, "Oops, changed my mind!" Wally and Alice collide, producing the noise, "Wham!" Wally and Alice walk away from the collision looking dazed and wearing each other's clothes. Alice says, "Ouchie." Wally says, "I'm sore, but I've never felt so free."
The Boss says to Ratbert, "My inspirational posters aren't working. I need to do some animal research, Ratbert." Ratbert answers, "Ready!!" The Boss holds up the poster and asks, "In this beautiful scene we see a mighty eagle swooping down to capture its prey. What is your reaction?" Ratbert shakes in fear. The Boss thinks, "I think it's working." Ratbert screams, "Run for it, mom!!!"
Wally and Dilbert are walking. Wally says, "I should quit and become a contract employee. Then I'd have more income and I'd feel the wind in my hair." Dilbert says, "It's possible you'd have no income at all . . ." Dilbert puts his arms up in the air and says, "And if you want wind your hair you'll have to take off your shirt and run around with your arms up." Wally replies, "Thank you for your support."
Dogbert stands at the counter in a drug store. He says to the clerk, "Hello. Do you remember selling some hair growth formula to a big guy named Dilbert?" The man replies, "Um . . ." Dogbert continues, "Well, I'M Dilbert, and apparently there are some unusual side effects!" The clerk looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "I took time out from my thriving law practice to come talk to you about it." Dogbert walks home humming. Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "Thanks, Dogbert, but I only asked you to get my prescription refill . . . Not the deed to the pharmacy." Dogbert replies, "In the long run this is more cost-effective."