Same Tiny Raises Comic Strips - Page 7
599 Results for Same Tiny Raises
View 61 - 70 results for same tiny raises comic strips. Discover the best "Same Tiny Raises" comics from Dilbert.com.
THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Fairy is sitting on top of Wally's computer monitor. Wally says, "It seems like your job isn't very rewarding." The Fairy, rubbing an eye, says, "Vision getting blurry." Wally says, "Long hours. No raises. No cubicle." The Fairy says, "Hair coming out in clumps." Wally watches as the Fairy flies away. The Fairy, looking exactly like Wally, with glasses and an almost bald head, says, "He's good. He's very good."
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Yes, the technology to clone you exists, but it's illegal to clone humans." The Boss responds, "If the cops find out, we can frame my clone for the crime." Dilbert replies, "That is so wrong." The Boss responds, "Why? He'd do the same thing to me!"
"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"
Dilbert is at the Boss's desk. The Boss tells Dilbert: "Don't invite marketing to the planning meeting." Dilbert replies: "If I don't, they'll sabotage the implementation." The Boss says: "Yes, but if you DO include them in the planning..." Dilbert finishes the Boss's thought: "...they'll hose the plan?" The Boss confirms Dilbert's statement: "Exactly." The Boss continues: "And they'll still botch the implementation." Dilbert asks: "If we know it's doomed, why do we bother?" The Boss answers: "It's the same reason I had kids." Dilbert thinks to himself while walking away: "At least there is a reason."
The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, your status report is just a bunch of buzzwords strung together." Wally replies, "I've been giving you that same status report every week for eleven years." Wally continues, "Five years ago you adopted it as our mission statement."
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Today I realized I hate everyone in the entire world." Dilbert continues, "I used to think I might like some people I hadn't met. But now I think they're weasels too." Dogbert asks, "How about a wide-eyed and innocent child who loves you unconditionally?" Dilbert responds, "Tiny weasels."
The Boss stops Wally and Dilbert in the hallway and asks, "Why isn't my cell phone working?" Dilbert responds, "That's a short-range cell phone. You need to be in the same room with the person you call." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. The Boss has his phone up to his ear. He thinks, "Answer the stinkin' phone, Alice." Asok asks, "Why are listening to a TV remote control?"
Alice says to Carol, "I want a husband who cooks and cleans and raises the kids while I pursue my career." Alice continues, "To me, that sort of man would be a total turn-on." A man wearing an apron approaches Alice and says, "Yoo-Hoo! Who likes lemon wedges?" A heart floats above Alice's head.
"Now that our profits are improving, can I have a raise?" "If I start giving people raises, then profits will plummet and we'll be nowhere." "Does your bonus depend on how effectively you oppress me?" "If you don't like it, try communism."
Catbert: Evil director of human resources The Boss: How do I tell people that there won't be any annual raises?" CAtbert: If someone tries to raise the topic, guide the conversation away." "...And thats why my outfit is made of cafeteria napkins." "Do you think we'll ever colonize Mars?"