Shadowy Figure Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

80 Results for Shadowy Figure

View 61 - 70 results for shadowy figure comic strips. Discover the best "Shadowy Figure" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #new director, #wist decision support, #out source contracts, #north elbonia, #government reward

View Transcript

Transcript

"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #projects fail, #have in common, #points to boss, #honest, #sneezes, #figuring the problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Asok the Intern are all sitting around a table. The Boss says, "We've got to figure out why all our projects fail." The Boss looks at Alice and asks, "What do all our projects have in common?" Behind The Boss' back, Wally points with both hands at The Boss. The Boss says to Wally, "It might not be obvious." Behind The Boss' back, Alice points with both hands at The Boss. Looking at Alice, The Boss says, "But if we're honest with ourselves..." Behind The Boss' back, Wally holds up a piece of paper with a large arrow on it pointing at The Boss. The Boss says, "We can find the source of the problem." Alice says, "Ah-ah-ah-" as she begins to sneeze. Wally scratches his head with a piece of paper to the sounds of "scratch scratch." Alice sneezes, "Ach-itz-you!!" The Boss says, "Gesundheit." The Boss asks, "So, does anyone know what the problem is?" Alice looks on as Wally says to The Boss, "I've noticed that Dilbert doesn't work as hard as I think he should."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bad attitude, #bad news, #bad perfromance, #boss meeting, #downsized, #dump, #free from tyranny, #rational, #profits

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing in the doorway of The Boss' office. Catbert says, "Bad news." Catbert continues, "The employees figured out that they won't get raises next year because profits are in the dumps." The Boss gasps. Catbert's voice continues, "And they're being rational about it." Asok says to Wally, "We are free from the tyranny of having to work hard for raises." Wally exclaims, "Ooh-yah!" Wally continues, "But there's a delicate balance because we don't want to be down-sized." Wally continues, "I figure we can either have bad attitudes or bad performance but not both." Asok says, "I think I'll try having a bad attitude." Wally replies, "'I'm a bad performance man myself." Wally and Asok are sitting in The Boss' office. Wally says, "I just realized that my entire job can be done by guessing." Asok says, "Hey, dip-weed."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #frustration, #internet & world wide web, #syoe, #shut down, #quit, #drown it

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Okay, Skype. Let's see if I can figure out how to shut you down. Close! Quit! Sign out! Minimize! Quit! Yes! Close! Quit! Die! Die! Die! Dilbert: Did you close Skype. Alice: Almost. I'm heading to the ocean to drown it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2014's comic on:


Tags #product failure, #not selling, #buggy, #overriced, #competitors, #misleading ads, #vaguely racist, #product name, #bodily fluids, #death, #ceo reputation, #owls, #super yachy, #pal costume, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to figure out why our new product isn't selling well. Dilbert: It's buggy and overpriced. Wally: OUr competitors sell a far better product at half the price. Asok: Our ads are overtly misleading and vaguely racist. Alice: Our product name reminds people of bodily fluids and death. People hate us because our CEO has an endangered owl shooting range on his super yacht. Boss: Does anyone have an idea to fix all of that? Wally: Maybe. Do you own an owl costume?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #takes picture, #flash spot, #vision, #place ads, #little spot, #huge personal violation, #your privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: When someone takes your picture, the flash spot stays in your vision for a few seconds. I want you to figure out how to place ads on that little spot. Dilbert: That would be a huge personal violation. CEO: Bah! You said the same thing when we took your privacy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deception, #job, #laziness, #strategic thinker, #strategy, #work ethic, #worker bee, #attend meetings, #strategic, #no work, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

Thank you for voting.
Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business, #criminals, #user interface, #software, #lower tax rate, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling

Thank you for voting.
Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #supreme court, #partisan politics, #engineers, #morals, #legislation, #conservatism, #liberal, #guilt, #innocence

View Transcript

Transcript

Robots Read News. Robot: The Supreme Court ruled that engineers cannot be found guilty of murder. Lawyers argued that any good engineer knows how to get away with murder, so getting caught is proof of innocence. The ruling was unanimous because no one could figure out which side was the liberal one.

Haircut Illuminati

Thank you for voting.
Haircut Illuminati - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #secret society, #organizations, #illuminati, #hair, #hairstyles, #haircut, #barber, #Politics, #politicians, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I became a member of the Hairdresser Illuminati. Dilbert: The what? Dogbert: It's a shadowy organization that controls the world by manipulating the hairstyles of political candidates. Boss: What is my barber doing here? Dogbert: That haircut will never become your next president.