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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #effects pay, #employee survey, #grumpiest employee, #morale, #touchy feely stuff

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The Boss says to an employee, "The employee surveys indicate some dissatisfaction in my group. That affects my pay." The Boss continues as the man frowns, "You're my grumpiest employee, so I'm going to fire you to bring up my average score for morale." The Boss walks away thinking, "I think I'm getting better at all the touchy-feely stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #being team leader, #stressful, #no authority, #behavioral study, #plus sude, #pellets, #excelllent

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Dilbert sits at his desk clenching his fist. He thinks, "I hate being team leader. It's so stressful." Dilbert continues thinking, "I have reponsibility but no authority. I feel like I'm an animal in some warped behavioral study." He hears a "Ding" coming from behind him. Dilbert turns his chair around and reaches for a dispenser on the wall with a sign above it that says, "Take pellet." He thinks, "On the plus side, the pellets are excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dysfunctional team, #admore, #vocalize admiration, #leathery skin, #right from left, #get paid, #admire co workers

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The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like everybody to turn to the right and say what you admire about that person." The Boss turns to Alice, who is on his left, and says, "I admire your leathery skin, Alice." Alice responds, "I admire your ability to figure out which side is your RIGHT in only two tries." Dilbert faces Dogbert on his right and says, "I admire your ability to get paid for this." Wally says to Dilbert, "Despite the fact your face scares children, I admire your co-workers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #increase budget, #training, #leave the company, #more money, #competitor, #down side

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Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. Wally demands, "You've got to increase the budget for training!" The Boss responds, "If I train you, then wouldn't you just leave the company to make more money working for our competitor?" Wally says, "I guess there is a downside." The Boss asks, "And the downside would be . . . ?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #prodcutivity, #moving, #cubcile, #phone, #comaputer, #disconnected, #boxed, #lost, #abandoned pretense, #loser

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The Boss looks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I see signs of productivity here. I'm moving you to another cubicle." The Boss continues, "Your phone and computer will be disconnected for weeks. Your files will be boxed and lost." Dilbert's hair stands on end as he says, "Good Lord, you've abandoned all pretense of being on our side!!" The Boss responds, "Loser."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #fiance dept, #reduce costs, #short sighted ways, #save money, #job harder, #forget

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Ratbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I'm from the finance department. I'm here to reduce costs." Ratbert continues, "It might seem like all I do is come up with short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder. But there's another side to this story." Wally asks, "And that would be . . . ?" Ratbert answers, "I forget."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1995's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #developed policy, #employees who complain, #big hole, #trick whiners, #sand, #detailed explaination, #hole, #business

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Catbert and the Boss stand on either side of a hole in the floor. Catbert says, "As Director of Human Resources I have developed a policy for handling the employees who complain." Catbert continues, "It's a big hole. I'll trick the whiners into getting in it. And then I'll cover them with sand." The Boss says, "I don't see how this could possibly work." Catbert says, "There's a detailed explanation at the bottom of the hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dotted line, #arch rival, #secret double agent, #captured and executed, #immediate

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Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I heard you got assigned on a 'dotted line' to our boss's arch-rival." Wally sits with his head in his hands and groans. Dilbert continues, "Look on the bright side. Think of yourself as leading the exiting life of a secret double-agent!" Wally asks, "Don't most double-agents get captured and executed immediately?" Dilbert says, "They WISH it was immediate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #love & dating, #video

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Dilbert enters Video Date, Inc. Dilbert sits across from a desk. A man smoking a cigar explains, ". . . Then we film our clients so prospective dates can screen each other for compatibility." The man continues, "For an extra fee we supply special effects to make you appear more manly. Our most popluar theme is where we dress you in a loin cloth and you rip the arms off an Arnold Schwarzenegger dummy while bombs explode nearby!" Dilbert asks, "Gosh, don't you have something that will make me look sensitive and caring?" The man thinks. The man says, "Okay . . . We dress you up as Mary Tyler Moore and have you bottle feeding this plastic dying dolphin." Dilbert replies, "No, too sensitive. Suppose we say the dolphin just has a bad cold . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #underpants, #bought, #house, #capitalism, #dinosaur, #case, #case studies, #idiot, #computers

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The caption says, "Dilbert special! Bob the Dinosaur will rip the underpants off guys we hate!" Bob pulls the underwear off a man. The caption says, "Case #1." A man smoking a pipe and wearing a turtleneck says, ". . . Bought my first house for 75 cents. Sold it a year later for 400,000 dollars . . ." The man screams as Bob pulls his underwear off. Bob says, "Now he drives a 'Beemer.'" The caption says, "Case #2." A man says, "It's a great movie. You'll be surprised when you find out the parakeet is the murderer." The man screams as Bob pulls off his boxer shorts. Bob says, "I love surprises!" The caption says, "Case #3." A car salesman says, "Wait here and I'll try to convince my boss to sell the car at your price." The man screams when Bob pulls off his underwear. Bob says, "He's on your side!" The caption says, "Finally . . ." Dilbert says, "Only an idiot would thing computers are confusing."