Stock Investing Comic Strips - Page 7
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171 Results for Stock Investing
View 61 - 70 results for stock investing comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Investing" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 29,
2001
Tags #stock analyst, #good things, #company, #weasels, #business
Transcript
Dogbert: your stock will rise if a stock analyst says good things about your company. The Boss: how is that even possible? Dogbert: one word: weasels. weasels: I just found my new pick and shovel core holding.
Tuesday January 30,
2001
Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels
Transcript
Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot
Monday February 12,
2001
Tags #greedy boss, #huge growth earnings, #mean boss, #miss growth, #poised, #stock options vest, #unrelated move, #leave company
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Our CEO says we are poised for huge growth in earnings." The Boss continues, "In an unrelated move, he announced that he will leave the company before any of his stock options vest." Wally and Dilbert look horrified and their ties fly up in front of their faces as The Boss says, "The poor guy will miss all of our growth."
Thursday March 15,
2001
Tags #billion shares, #dot com subsidary, #fire everyone, #presdient, #raise, #stock, #promoting
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm promoting you to president of our dot-com subsidiary." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Your job is to fire everyone." Dilbert asks, "Would I get a raise?" The Boss answers, "How does a billion shares of stock sound?"
Monday April 23,
2001
Tags #weekly wally report, #stock options, #maple, #someone lost more
Transcript
The boss, Wally and Dilbert are at a table. Wally says, "Now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "Wally struggled to maintain his morale despite the ninety percent drop in his stock options." Wally continues, "Then he remembered that someone lost much, much, much more that he did."
Friday April 27,
2001
Tags #Dilbert, #therapy session, #everyone is lying, #stock market, #congress, #boss, #therapy, #scientifically proven, #money, #psychology, #Politics
Transcript
Dilbert: It feel like everyone in the world is lying to me. Congress is lying about the budget. Stock analysts are lying about their recommendations, My boss is lying, This therapy stuff us scientifically proven to work, right? Therapist Its 100% effective.
Saturday April 28,
2001
Tags #good job, #meeting woman, #late, #sixty hour week, #stock options decline, #not impressed
Transcript
A woman asks Dilbert, "Do you have a good job?" Dilbert says, "It depends on what you mean by good." Dilbert continues, "If you consider the decline of my stock options, I work sixty hours a week for nothing." The woman says, "Hey, look at the time." Dilbert says, "My boss thinks I work eighty hours. Hee hee!"
Monday October 15,
2001
Tags #stock market expert, #buy stocks, #fundamentals, #go on tv
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Dogbert is standing on his desk. Dogbert says, "I'd be a good stock market expert." Dogbert continues, "I'd buy stocks and then go on TV and recommend them so they go up." Dilbert asks, "What about the fundamentals?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't get more fundamental than that!"
Tuesday October 16,
2001
Tags #stock market expert, #microphone, #tail off camera, #makes me wag, #honest work
Transcript
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert sits behind a desk in front of a camera. The cameraman hands him a microphone and says, "Clip this microphone to your fur. We're live in two." Dogbert responds, "Make sure my tail is off camera. I'll be recommending stocks I own and that sort of thing makes me wag." The cameraman thinks to himself, "Someday I gotta get honest work."
Wednesday October 17,
2001
Tags #stock market expert, #buy stock, #sell house, #track record, #one week chart, #buy buy
Transcript
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"