Total Sales Comic Strips - Page 7
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261 Results for Total Sales
View 61 - 70 results for total sales comic strips. Discover the best "Total Sales" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 16,
2002
Tags #best, #hire back, #not old job, #sales, #train you to lie, #worst, #desparate, #take anything, #need money, #job, #take advantage of, #business
Transcript
Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."
Friday January 07,
2005
Tags #new strategy, #sales stink, #cutting costs, #lose hope, #working great, #higher margins
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."
Wednesday February 23,
2005
Tags #sales target, #have bad credit, #bonuses, #accounts receivable, #getting bonuses
Transcript
Dilbert: "The only way to meet our sales target is by selling to customers who have bad credit." The Boss: "That's okay, we'll get our bonuses before anyone realizes that the accounts recievables are worhtless." The Boss: "The key to getting bonusses is acting surprised later." Dilbert: "I feel unclean."
Saturday October 15,
2005
Tags #return frisbee, #doesn't fly, #software cd, #total idiot, #users manual, #poorly written
Transcript
"I'd like to return this Frisbee (TM). It doesn't fly right." "This is a software CD. Only a total idiot would think it was a Frisbee (TM)." "In my defense, the user's manual was poorly written." "Plus you're a total idiot."
Saturday February 18,
2006
Tags #business, #competition, #sales, #sales personnel
Transcript
The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.
Monday January 08,
2007
Tags #Advice, #avoid facts, #cubicle, #paid commissions, #sales engineer, #truth, #sales rep
Transcript
The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."
Tuesday January 09,
2007
Tags #heals itself, #sales engineer, #sales rep, #totally true, #truth vs.lies, #questions
Transcript
Sales Engineer "Your sales rep told us that the product heals itself. Is that true?" Dilbert: It's totally true...that he said that. sales engineer: Let me ask this another way... Dilbert: NOOO!!! One way per question!"
Wednesday January 10,
2007
Tags #cold learning, #cruelest, #don't wear a coat, #first lesson, #good liar, #sales support engineer, #seeking advice, #how to lie
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm a sales support engineer now. Can you teach me to be a good liar? Dogbert: Sure. Meet me on the porch, and don't wear a coat; the cold will help the learning. The first lesson is always the cruelest."
Thursday January 11,
2007
Tags #sales engineer, #making sale, #install, #few extra features, #massage table, #sprawl, #get naked
Transcript
Sales Engineer Sales engineer: I did the hard part of making the sale. All you have to do is install it. I might have promised them a few extra features. Did you bring your own massage table or should I just get naked and sprawl on a desk?
Monday August 13,
2012
Tags #sales personnel, #cold calling, #video chat, #sales job, #computer, #selling on line, #skype, #technology
Transcript
Boss: You're supposed to be cold calling sales prospects. Wally: I am. I'm using a video chat site to randomly meet potential customers. This guy is excited to see me, and that's half of the sales job right here.