Use My Raise Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for use my raise comic strips. Discover the best "Use My Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #taken vacation, #use vacation days, #work 7 days a week, #year end review, #artificial project, #vacation target, #mutually exclusive goal, #frustration

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The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Alice, our records show that you haven't taken a vacation all year." The Boss continues, "Company policy requires you to use your vacation days." Alice says, "How?? You told me to work seven days a week to prepare the project for your boss's year-end review." Alice asks, "Do you want me to meet the artificial project target or the artificial vacation target?" Alice stands up and screams, "Hello!!! These are mutually exclusive goals!!! Hello!!!" Alice says, "Ooh . . . Sorry, I usually just think that last part in silent frustration." The Boss says, "Moving right along . . . Kudos to Wally for using all of his vacation days ahead of schedule." Alice looks furious. Wally says, "Get over it, Alice. We can't all be superstars."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #use speakerphone, #voice mail, #speaker phone, #inconsiderate, #too stupid, #annoying, #bob dinsoaur, #wedgie, #service elevator, #look on face, #way they yell, #philiosphers

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A man sits in his cubicle thinking, "It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail." The man thinks, "I can't remember if I use the speakerphone because I'm inconsiderate or because I'm too stupid to know how annoying it is." The man thinks, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers." The man screams, "Hi. Thanks for the information. Talk to you later!!!" The man shouts, "Did I tell you about my cyst?" Dilbert hears the man yelling and sends an e-mail message that says, "Dogbert, send Bob the Dinosaur quickly!" Bob says to the building security officer, "I'm here to deliver a wedgie." The man replies, "Use the service elevator." Dilbert sits at his desk humming while the man next to him screams as Bob gives him a wedgie. Dilbert presses the elevator button and asks Bob, "What's the best part - the look on their faces or the way they yell?" Bob replies, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #meets expectations, #review, #two percent raise, #eighty hour week, #three patents, #make millions, #donated bone marrow, #attendece problem, #cheated on money, #alice, #take advantage, #cheap, #scammed

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, your performance this year is 'meets expectations.' You get a two percent raise." Alice looks shocked and says, "MEETS EXPECTATIONS?! I worked eighty hours every week!" The Boss replies, "Yeah . . . Well, I expected that." Alice yells, "I earned three patents this year! The company will make millions!!" The Boss says, "Really? Wow. I mean . . . I expected that too." Alice clenches her teeth and shouts, "I donated bone marrow to our biggest customer!!! Twice!!!" The Boss replies, "I noted that under 'attendance problem.'" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice leans on the table and covers her face. Dilbert tells her, "I told you the bone marrow thing would haunt you." Wally says, "I'm starting to think the time I worked through lunch was for nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #offered pormotion, #another department, #snail crud, #fantasy, #reality, #current assignment, #too valuable, #comapny, #raise, #valuable assignment, #why low morale, #breath

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I've been offered a promotion in another department." The caption says, "Fantasy." Dilbert says, "I'm outta here, you worthless piece of snail crud!!" Dilbert laughs wickedly. The caption says, "Reality." Dilbert says, "I meekly request to be released from my current assignment." The caption says, "Fantasy." The Boss says, "I would never stand in your way. Congratulations!" The caption says, "Reality." The Boss says, "I can't release you. You're too valuable." The caption says, "Fantasy." Dilbert pulls the Boss's tie and says, "If I'm so valuable, explain my last raise!!!" The caption says, "Reality." The Boss says, "In fact, I have ANOTHER valuable assignment for you." Dilbert stands in stunned silence. Dilbert tells Wally, I'm doing a survey to find out why morale is so low." Wally replies, "I think it's your breath."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #save money, #copier ink, #add water, #copies light, #compensate, #darken, #implement, #Dilbert, #creative thinker, #implantation task, #bigger raise, #creative way

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Wally tells the Boss, "I have a great idea to save money." Wally enter the Boss's office and continues, "We can make the photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that make the copies too light?" Wally replies, "Ordinarily, yes. But we can compensate by setting the copier to 'darken.'" Wally says, "You'll need someone to implement this idea . . . Let's see." Wally says, "Hey, how about Dilbert? He isn't doing much work lately." Wally continues, "I'd do it myself but there's no reason to waste a creative thinker on an implementation task." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you still mad that I got a bigger raise than you did?" Wally replies, "No, I found a creative way to deal with it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #ten percent raise, #fifteen percent more, #twenty percent, #no budget, #raises, #give big raises, #reward for leaving work, #price sheet

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Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "I want a ten-percent raise." The Boss replies, "There's no budget for raises." Dilbert holds up a letter and says, "I have an offer from another company that will pay fifteen percent more." The Boss says, "I'll give you twenty percent if you stay." Dilbert says, "I thought you said there's no budget for raises." The Boss replies, "Well . . . It's supposed to be a secret but . . ." The Boss says, "Our policy is to give big raises to people who spend their time interviewing for other jobs." Dilbert tells Alice and Wally, "Good news! The secret company policy is to reward disloyalty!" They cheer and shout, "Yes! Yippee!" Wally asks, "What's the reward for leaving work early?" Dilbert replies, "He wouldn't show me the price sheet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1998's comic on:


Tags #2 percent raise, #not challenging, #exceeded golas, #no complaining, #walls performance, #complained all year, #weasel, #stab him in back

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Alice is sitting at the Boss's desk. He tells her, "I can only give you a two percent raise this year, Alice." He adds, "Because your job was not very challenging." Alice asks, "How could you possibly not think it was challenging?" The Boss replies, "You exceeded all your goals without complaining." The Boss adds, "Compare that to Wally's performance. He complained all year." The Boss: "And he missed every goal! Now THAT'S a challenging job!" Alice shouts, "Wally is a filthy weasel!!!" As Alice leaves, furious, the Boss adds, "Maybe his hygiene isn't the best, but he was right when he said you would stab him in the back."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1999's comic on:


Tags #use art, #find self, #over there, #ratbert, #bad painting, #without using art, #bob, #dinosaur

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Ratbert wears a Beret and paints. Ratbert says, to Bob, "I use art as a way of finding myself." Bob says, "you're over there, Ratbert, in front of a bad painting!" Bob walks away and thinks, "And I did it without using any art."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #ease of use, #lab, #budget for staff, #two sided, #photocopies, #live by sword, #die by sword

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The boss, wally and Asok sit at the conference table with papers in front of them. The boss says, "I downsised the "ease of use" lab because there's no budget for a staff." Asok grabs one of the paper and shows it the the boss. ASok says, "They HAVE a buget. I put it on the back of these two-sided photocopies!" The boss says, "Well, they lived by the sword, and they died by the sword."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1999's comic on:


Tags #reliable computer, #use software, #poing a spoon, #hole in back, #doing it worng

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Dilmom is at a computer store. The salesman says, "This is our most reliable computer, unless you try to use software." The salesman says, "It'll freeze several times a day. But you can restart it by poking a spoon into a hole in the back." Dilbert's mom says, "Has that ever worked?" The salesman says, "We think people are doing it wrong."