Used Pen Comic Strips - Page 7
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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert asks, "You know that good feeling you get when you first put a Q-tip in your ear?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert asks, "Can I freely enjoy it, or is it a sin?" Dogbert replies, "I think it's okay." Dilbert says, "Good, because I used a whole box yesterday."
Dilbert lies on a couch and a psychologist sits next to him taking notes on a pad of paper. Dilbert says, "I can't stop putting writing tools in my shirt pocket . . ." Dilbert continues, "It started harmlessly . . . First a pen, then two. Now I'm afraid to go anywhere without a pen and pencil of every color." The psychiatrist asks, "Do you have the secondary colors?" Dilbert replies, "There are SECONDARY colors?!"
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I got a job as a used car salesman." Dilbert asks, "Does it pay well?" Dogbert replies, "I'm not in it for the money. I just enjoy lying to strangers." Dogbert shows a car to a customer and says, "This one was owned by Carlos the Diamond Smuggler. It corners well, but the gas mileage is bad -- almost as if it has weights hidden in the door panels."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I quit my job as a used car salesman." Dilbert asks, "Because you couldn't keep lying?" Dogbert replies, "No, the lying was good. I liked that part." Dilbert asks, "Was it because crime doesn't pay?" Dogbert says, "I made $400,000 this week. I'm retired now." Dilbert says, "I don't think this will ever be a 'Reader's Digest' very special story."
Dilbert and some co-workers sit at a conference table. A tiny man says to Dilbert, "I disagree with everything you said. Who wants to step outside and fight about it?!!!" The little man says, "I may be on the smallish side but I can kick any butt in this room!!" The short man continues, "C'mon, who wants a piece of me??!" A woman next to Dilbert whispers, "It's my fault. I accidentally used him to soak up a coffee spill this morning."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert asks, "Do you ever wonder about the meaning of life, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I used to." Dogbert continues, "But I looked it up in the dictionary under 'L' and there it was - the meaning of life." Dogbert continues, "It was less than I expected." Dilbert asks, "Did you try the thesaurus?"
Ratbert and Dogbert stand on the sidewalk. Ratbert stomps on a bug and says, "The mighty hunter strikes his wily prey!" Ratbert continues, "The hunter is awash in manly hormones. He has mastered his sport and conquered one of nature's best." Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I used to feel guilty about this until I realized it's a sport."
A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Ratbert, I brought you a copy of the 'Dogbert Clueletter,' the newsletter for clueless people." Ratbert replies, "No thanks. I used to be clueless but I turned that situation around 360 degrees." Ratbert reads the newsletter, "Dogbert's clues to conversational geometry."
Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."