Search Results for "users address books"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Wally in Marketing "According to my market research, ninety percent of your customers..." "...'fantasize about beating you to death with your stupid product.'" "What about the other ten percent?" "They asked for your company address but didn't say why."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #tablet computer, #dime sized computer, #lick it, #attach to eyeballs, #fail, #fast fail, #finish in month

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #meeting, #slides, #ad campaign, #baby, #hobos, #cool, #swear, #insult, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Our ad campaign will portray users of our competitor's products as baby-eating hobos." Man says, "While our users will be portrayed by the coolest guy in the entire world." Soon the meeting turned ugly Alice says, "Then why are you showing a slide of a giant @$$#%*?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #hatred, #advise, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, " how am I supposed to collect money from people who don't have any?" Woman says, "Tell them to rob someone you don't like." Dilbert says, "?and that's my supervisor's home address. But you'd better hurry before all the good stuff is gone."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #work, #admitting, #angry, #steaming, #lazy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I did no work this week because I judged the user's specifications to be inadequate." Wally says, "Should I continue to do nothing or do you prefer I use incomplete specs to produce useless designs?" Wally says, "The next thing you hear is something called leadership."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Why is your project months behind?" "I still don't have the user's requirements because she's a complete nut job." "It's your job to manage that process!" "I complained to her boss, who promptly misinterpreted the problem and ordered her to work on the wrong stuff." "Then every member of her family got a serious illness. Then she got called to jury duty." "She promised to give me the requirements this afternoon." "It was too hard to come up with my own requirements, so I just copied the requirements from another product." "Is the other product similar to what you want?" "Where are you going with this?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #celebrity business plan, #commit crime, #hire lawyer, #reality tv show, #gain weight, #tabloids, #spokesperson, #weight loss product, #write children book, #rehab, #addicted to painkillers, #plan, #future plans, #goals, #sensationalism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?" Dilbert: "Sure." Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore." "Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap." "I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating." "Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me." "Burp" "Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product." "It works!" "Lastly, I'll write children's books." Dilbert: "What about rehab?" "Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers." Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2004's comic on:


Tags #enterprise software, #premium package, #friendly user, #economy option, #cheap one, #never had girlfreind, #adult website, #romantic invitations, #100 percent

View Transcript

Transcript

Our enterprise software comes in two flavors. The premium package boats a friendly user interface. The economy option does the same stuff but the interface is designed to ruin your life. we'll take the cheap one. I can tell by the ay you hold the mouse that you've never had a girlfriend. I'll send romantic invitations to al the pope on the email address list. Dont worry - i"lll us etc text that I would on a great adult website. when I said that you need to give a hundred percent I shut have been more specific.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #abuse, #audio menu system, #freezing, #love problem, #low level technician, #same questions, #too much optimism, #waited in que, #tech support

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!" The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!" The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..." Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast." Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers." The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot." Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you." The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?" Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #business card, #no @ sign, #email, #missing number, #phone number

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally : Mere's my card. Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Coworker: Your phone number is missing a digit and your email address doesn't have an @ symbol. Wally: I didn't say it would be easy.