Worst Performer Comic Strips - Page 7

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87 Results for Worst Performer

View 61 - 70 results for worst performer comic strips. Discover the best "Worst Performer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #old coworker, #whisper, #secret, #knowledge, #die, #evil smile, #grin, #business

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Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

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Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #unemployment, #depressed, #rudeness, #conversation

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Dogbert says, "What's the worst part about you being unemployed?" Dogbert says, "Is it the risk of starvation, the inability to date, or the feeling of being utterly worthless?" Dilbert says, "So far the worst part is this conversation." Dogbert says, "Wait 'til you hear my tough love speech."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #coworker, #crazy, #shouting, #business

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Man says, "I'm one of those people who can't explain things without a whiteboard, but I'll try." Man says, the?uh?fug?fuh?wah?um?thingamajig?fuh?fuh?eh?" Dilbert says, "Worst case I've seen." Man says, "Yee?woo?ee-yi-ee-yi-moo?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2009's comic on:


Tags #work, #orders, #miserable, #cruel, #mean, #trip, #ridiculous

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The Boss says, "I need you to attend a three-day industry standards meeting in Elbonia." Dilbert says, "Why Elbonia?" The boss says, "Because Elbonia is the worst place on Earth. The member companies don't want this to look like a boondoggle." Dilbert says, "I guess three days won't be so bad." The boss says, "You're not allowed to eat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #pandemic, #illess, #punching, #scared, #reassurance

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Pandemic Planning Asok says, "In the worst-case scenario, the only survivors would be cockroaches and Alice." Pow! Pow! Pow! Alice says, "Airborne virus. It's safe now. I broke it's proteing coat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hiring, #renaming, #confusion, #anger, #business

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The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #brilliant, #moron, #appearance, #superficial, #beard, #silent, #Funny, #business

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The Boss says, "I invited silent Gary to help us decide on a technology direction." The Boss says, "We think he's a genius because he has a beard and he never speaks." The Boss says, "Gary, do you think we should use open source software for our support platform?" The Boss says, "Here it comes. He's rubbing his beard and giving me creepy eye contact." THe Boss says, "I detect a slight hint of disgust. It means Gary hates the idea! The Boss says, "Yes, it's all so obvious now. This is the worst idea in the history of mankind." The Boss says, "THe meeting is over. Silent Gary has spoken." Dilbert says, "You're actually a moron, aren't you?" Gary says, "Don't ruin this for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #work from home, #bathrobe, #distractions, #challenge, #determined, #gas leak, #sparks, #baby in wall, #ears up, #frustrated, #yell, #mouth open

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Dilbert says, "I'm working at home today so I can concentrate without any distractions." Dilbert says, "Please don't disturb me. Nothing is so important that it can't wait." Dogbert says, "I take that as a challenge." Dilbert says, "No, please..." Dogbert says, "Do you smell that?" Dogbert says, "I'm pretty sure it's a gas leak." Dogbert says, "Have you noticed that the lamp makes huge sparks every once in a while?" Dogbert says, "I wouldn't worry. What's the worst thing that could happen?" Dogbert says, "I think I hear a baby trapped in the wall!" Dilbert says, "Get out of my head!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #wait to buy, #new model, #sales, #negotiate, #business

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Dilbert: When do you expect to come out with a new model? Vendor: In about two months. Dilbert: I'll wait and buy the new model. Vendor: Did I say two months? I meant never. Dilbert: Never? That must mean your company is going out of business and won't support this product. Vendor: What's a length of time between two months and never that would cause you to buy now?" Dilbert: One year. Vendor: Our new model comes out in a year. Dilbert: I'll wait until then. Vendor: You're the worst customer ever."