New York Harbor Comic Strips - Page 70

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View 691 - 700 results for new york harbor comic strips. Discover the best "New York Harbor" comics from Dilbert.com.

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Company Lawyer "I did a trademark search on all of the excellent product names you suggested." "Every one of them is taken." "So I did a search on the names that weren't so great." "Those are taken, too." "Then I checked on the names iCrud, iPuke, EatDirtAndDie, and DefectiveProduct." "All taken." "So our new product name will be a combination of grunts and shrieks." "Like this? GrrrrrEeeyYaaa?" "That one is taken. Ours sounds more like a monkey passing a kidney stone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags absurd aasignments, cartoonist, comic embarrasing, cubicle, evaluate technology, fire him, no economical applaication, new job

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Catbert: We have a report of a cartoonist in Cubicle 45950. His comics might embarrass the company. "We can't fire him because it would look bad. You must give him absurd assignments until he quits." The Boss: "Your new job is to evaluate technology that obviously has no economical application." "Woo hoo!"

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"My side job as a cartoonist is doing well, so this is my resignation." "My new career involves sitting around in my pajamas and thinking of ways to ridicule you." "Actually, it's not so much a letter of resignation as it is a drawing of your body with a manure head."

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"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."

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They can take my soul but they can't take my name! "Visa called. Someone stole your identity." "I need a new battle cry." "How about 'ouch'?"

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"I had a productive time at the management retreat." "We golfed as hard as we could until we came up with a new vision for the company!!!" "But no one wrote it down, so we're going to try again next month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new dress code, consolidating, offcies, 20 people cubicle, impossible, thin film pil, no clothes, bad conditions, worst place work, awards, demoralize, inhumane, horrid conditions

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Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."

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Tags evil director, human resources, new policy, no d drinking coffee, remove all doubt, policies, evil, honesty, ruining the moment, business

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Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

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Tags use old technology, get funded, raise issue, any issues, old technology, works fine, new technology buggy

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Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."

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Tags eliminated budget, automated test software, new code, automated test, end any converstaion, calling person big baby

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Dilbert: "You eliminated the budget for automated test software. How are we going to test our new code?" The Boss: "Go write some automated test software, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." Dilbert: "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." Dogbert: "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?"