Service Business Comic Strips - Page 70
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 691 - 700 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 17,
2018
Deducing Rank
Tags hierarchy, rank, marketing, jargon, lingo, adspeak, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.
Saturday April 07,
2018
Elbonian Interference With Ads
Tags hacker, troll, social media, damage, marketing, bot, nonsense, business, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: Our competitors hired an Elbonian troll farm to ruin our brand on social media. Their most viral ad against us so far says, "How ice cream they bicycle art!" Boss: How many views did it get? Dilbert: Seven, including this one.
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags big business, ethics, morals, morality, death, damage, value, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Sunday March 25,
2018
Tags team, teamwork, collaboration, excuses, group project, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Tuesday March 13,
2018
Team Building Lunch
Tags lunch, team, teamwork, team-building, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.
Monday March 05,
2018
Elbonian Slave Labor
Tags employees, slave, wages, compensation, minimum wage, morality, business, money
Transcript
Boss: Management was shocked to learn that the company we acquired had been using Elbonian slave labor. We immediately replaced them with minimum wage employees who have no hope of career advancement. Wally: You did the right thing. Boss: That's how it felt.
Thursday March 01,
2018
Optimal Meeting Density
Tags laziness, excuses, excuse, meeting, meetings, powerpoint, business
Transcript
Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.
Monday February 26,
2018
Dogbert's Personality Profiles
Tags consultant, personality, test, business, psychology
Transcript
Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.
Tuesday February 20,
2018
Not Morons
Tags marketing, tag line, slogan, name-calling, insult, obliviousness, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Is it too late to rethink our new marketing slogan? When we say, "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons," it kinds sounds to my ears as if we are. Boss: But it says we're not. Dilbert: And you're not a rat-faced waste of oxygen. Boss: Thank you.
Monday February 19,
2018
We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots
Tags marketing, damage control, slogan, tag line, image, business
Transcript
CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.

