First Date Comic Strips - Page 70
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705 Results for First Date
View 691 - 700 results for first date comic strips. Discover the best "First Date" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 28,
2019
Zombie Projects
Tags #business, #office, #zombie, #sloth, #fail, #salary
Transcript
the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.
Wednesday July 03,
2019
Measuring Excellence
Tags #business, #office, #excellence
Transcript
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: we opened our first "center of excellence" today. the boss: at the risk of sounding too optimistic, we should be brimming with excellence by nightfall. dilbert: how will we know if is working? the boss: it's better if we don't try too hard to measure it.
Tuesday July 16,
2019
Phone Is More Interesting
Tags #cell phone, #criticism, #date, #dinner, #Entertainment, #men and women, #texting, #smartphone
Transcript
Tina: I just realized I enjoy using my phone more than I enjoy interacting with you. I mean, this thing is amazing, whereas you haven't found a way to entertain me all night. Dilbert: Maybe I'll grow on you. Tina: "Now he sounds like a tumor. LOl!"
Friday September 20,
2019
Thinking
Tags #danger, #employees, #frustration, #office workers, #thinking
Transcript
Dilbert: Please don't stare at my head. I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration. Alice: That sounds dangerous. Dilbert: I thought so too, at first. Alice: And now? Dilbert: Now I don't think. I'm much happier.
Saturday September 28,
2019
Ron Moore
Tags #business, #employees, #insults, #jokes, #mistake, #sales, #customers
Transcript
Ron: Hi, I'm Ron Moore. Dilbert: Heh-heh. That's funny, because if you say your last name first, you're a "Moore, Ron". Okay, now I get why you never take me on sales calls.
Monday October 28,
2019
Business Agility Influencer
Tags #office workers, #business, #agility, #solution, #meaningless, #useless
Transcript
ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!
Sunday December 01,
2019
Dilbert Murders Robots
Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase
Transcript
dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.
Friday November 15,
2019
Stay Home When Sick
Tags #office workers, #healthy, #sick, #sneeze, #infect, #deadlines
Transcript
dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)
Monday December 16,
2019
How Long It Will Take
Tags #business, #assignment, #deadline, #incompetence, #meeting, #co-workers, #months
Transcript
boss: can you have it done in a week? dilbert: not if i have to work with other employees. given the galactic incompetence of my co-workers, it would probably take seven to non months. boss: i'll give you two weeks. dilbert: that's how long it will take to set up the first meeting.
Sunday January 26,
2020
Buzzflawed Interview
Tags #managment, #business, #reporter, #cheat, #suppliers, #question
Transcript
carol: a reporter for buzz flawed wants to interview you. boss: i don't see any downside to that! reporter: my first question is, do you still cheat all of your suppliers? boss: no! of course not. reporter: so. you're admitting you cheated your suppliers in the past? boss: get out of my office, you evil monster! reporter: okay, i got what i needed. one week later: voice from boss's smartphone: "the pudgy miscreant could not hide his glee when bragging about cheating his suppliers."