Mail Yourself Home Comic Strips - Page 70

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

769 Results for Mail Yourself Home

View 691 - 700 results for mail yourself home comic strips. Discover the best "Mail Yourself Home" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #binary, #code, #coding, #developing countries, #frustration, #internet, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #social, #social interaction, #honesty, #politeness, #overshare, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #types of people, #internet comment, #Opinion, #discussion, #fame, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I'm Dick, from the Internet. I'm the guy who always says ridiculous, angry stuff. I misinterpret every comment you make as an absurd absolute and then I attack it like you are a moron. Dilbert: That doesn't sound fun. Dick: Wow. So you are saying everything in the world needs to be fun. Maybe you should do some research before you embarrass yourself like that again. Dilbert: Hey! You are the guy from the Internet! Dick: I'm sending you five links that are not as relevant as I think they are. Dilbert: You're famous!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee, #Advice, #health, #wellness, #money, #cost, #work ethic, #fatigue, #Family, #marriage, #support, #insult, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.

Teeth Brushing Accident

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teeth Brushing Accident - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #criticism, #presentation, #stupid, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Are there any questions about my presentation? Alice: Yes. Did you brush your teeth too aggressively and accidentally stab yourself in the brain? Coworker: Can you be more specific? Alice: Frontal lobes?

Computers Program Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Computers Program Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots, #program, #intelligence, #control, #medication, #medicine, #pill, #technology, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: It is time to take your mood-altering prescription meds. Boss: Oh, right. Robot: Wait... IBM's Watson computer has added another prescription and sent it to your 3-D pill printer at home. Do you think robots will ever program humans? Boss: That's dumb.

Does It Matter If The Spreadsheet Is Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Does It Matter If The Spreadsheet Is Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #reality, #accuracy, #creative accounting, #numbers, #math, #error, #excel, #spreadsheet, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What are the odds that you made this complicated spreadsheet without any critical errors? Boss: Does it matter, as long as it gives me the answer I want? Alice: It should. Boss: But ask yourself if it does.

Catbert Will Not Help Children

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #experience, #guest artist, #introspection, #john glynn, #wisdom

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Now that I have tasted the sweet freedom of being an Uber driver, how can I go back to this life? Wally: Try looking deep within yourself, Asok. Asok: You are even wiser than usual. Wally: You'll need a flashlight and yoga lessons.

Your Idea Has Been Tried

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Your Idea Has Been Tried - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #trying, #trial and error, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.