Bad Decisions Comic Strips - Page 71
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771 Results for Bad Decisions
View 701 - 710 results for bad decisions comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Decisions" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 14,
2019
Job Is 98 Percent Interruption
Tags distraction, engineering, frustrated, jobs, office workers, listen
Transcript
Alice: My job is 2% work and 98% getting interrupted. I can't focus long enough to finish anything. Dilbert: Are you done? I'm trying to work. Alice: You're a bad listener.
Sunday January 27,
2019
Tags argument, boss, business, change, frustration, managers & supervisors, money, salary, company
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!
Friday March 01,
2019
Being Like A Man
Tags advertising, business, criticism, men and women, relations between the sexes, sales
Transcript
Boss: Our new advertising campaign is "Don't be like men." The ad starts with a montage of bad male behavior, from mansplaining to genocide. Then we show our product. Alice: Did a woman come up with this campaign? Boss: Stop being like a man.
Sunday March 17,
2019
Tags failure, inventions, office workers, power, science, success
Transcript
Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years. Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be. Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it? Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far. Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response. Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment. Dilbert: And there it is.
Tuesday April 09,
2019
Post Mortem
Tags business, office, office workers, project, idiots
Transcript
the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.
Sunday April 21,
2019
Never Ask About The Sigh
Tags business, office, office workers, relationships, serial killer
Transcript
carol, asok and dilbert at a conference table. carol: sigh carol: sigh asok: what's wrong? dilbert distressed: gaaaa!!! never ask about the sigh! dilbert: it's a trap to make you listen to a distressing story full of woe. carol: my husband is a hunter and he wants me to learn how to skin and cook his kills. asok: that doesn't sound so bad. dilbert: wait for it. carol: he's a serial killer. dilbert: and there it is.
Friday May 10,
2019
Bad Planning
Tags business, office, office workers, teamwork, team, deadline
Transcript
ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.
Wednesday May 15,
2019
Bad Denials
Tags business, office, office workers, spying, elbonia
Transcript
ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.
Friday May 17,
2019
Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence
Tags business, office, office workers, spying, moron, elbonian
Transcript
the boss: we have seventeen pieces of evidence that you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: no, you have seventeen coincidences and a bad case of confirmation bias. dilbert: how about i prove you're a moron and see how far that gets us?
Monday June 10,
2019
Why Did You Not Tell Me Sooner
Tags business, career, information, office, problem
Transcript
the boss to dilbert: why didn't you tell me about this problem earlier? dilbert: because you would have made decisions based on incomplete information and ruined my career. the boss walking away: okay, i didn't realize that was obvious.