Company Comic Strips - Page 71

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882 Results for Company

View 701 - 710 results for company comic strips. Discover the best "Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), internet & world wide web, binder, cloud

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Boss: Alan has been out of the workforce for a long time. I need you to ease him back in. Coworker: Do you have a binder of the company policies? Dilbert: It's in the cloud.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, acknowledge contributions, management

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Dilbert: I'd feel more loyalty to the company if management would acknowledge my contributions. Wally: If my job were as meaningless as yours, I wouldn't want management to notice me at all. Dilbert: You and I have the same job. Wally: I seem to be handling it better.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags access, apprval, blocked website, cip, director of hr, hostiliy, mean, threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, online ethics course, kill coworker, failed ethics test, first employee to fail

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Catbert: You're the first employee in company history to fail the online ethics course. Wally: I protest the grading system! Ethics are subjective. There are no right answers! Catbert: You said you would kill a coworker if you knew you wouldn't get caught. Wally: It was hard to know what answer they were looking for.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, ethics course, failed ethics, engineer, grasp, fast track, management, corrupt, business, engineering

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Boss: You failed the online ethics course for the third time. You can't be an engineer for this company if you have no grasp of business ethics. You leave me no choice. I'm putting you on the management fast track. Wally: Huh.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags civil liberties, surveillance, lost data, company data, backups, governments secret database, recors, working fine

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Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mobile (cell) phones, monkeys, company phone, chimps, time travled, own phone

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Dilbert: Do you know why I need to carry a company-issued phone plus my own phone? Boss: No. Dilbert: I think it's because our company policy was written by chimps who time-traveled from the fifties. Or do you have a better explanation. Boss: I really don't.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, ignorance (knowledge), competitors, brain waves, shielded helmet, company secrets, trash can

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Wally: Our competitors have technology for reading brain waves at a distance. This shielded helmet will prevent them from reading the company secrets in your mind. You owe me $20. Dilbert: The bet was that he has to wear the trash can for a week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags illness, laziness, sitting disease, sit all day, bad health, safety more eimportant, drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flattery, company, boss, flatter, infinite people, typewriter, butter up, business

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Wally: Our company needs more people like you. Not just more. We need infinite people just like you. Boss: Where is this going? Wally: And if each of you hat a typewriter, wow!