Entire Day Comic Strips - Page 71
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Dogbert and the Boss walk out of the Boss's office. Dogbert says, "My fee for business consulting is $200 an hour." The Boss says, "Fair enough." Dogbert says, "I'll spend the day questioning your employees to identify problem areas." Later that day, Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert reads a document and says, "It's unanimous. They're underpaid and all the problems are your fault, 'Lard Head.'"
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to introduce the new guy to everybody." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." The Boss walks away thinking, "This way I never have to learn their names." Dilbert tells the new guy, "The first stop on our odyssey is Bud." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Bud, this is the new guy, and vice versa." The new guy smiles. Bud looks up from the newspaper and says, "What's this?! Another pink-bottomed, Ivy League, management 'trainee'?!" Bud shouts, "In MY day, you had to start at the bottom . . . And by golly, you STAYED there!!" The new guy asks, "How long have you worked here?" Bud replies, "A week . . . This happens pretty quickly."
The caption says, "When you're alone, you start thinking weird thoughts." Dilbert sits in his desk chair thinking, "Do bugs sweat?" The caption says, "The longer you're alone, the weirder it gets." Dilbert holds a pen in his palm and thinks, "I can levitate this pen with my mind." The caption says, "Don't stay alone too long." Dilbert sits in his house thinking, "How would it feel if I shaved my entire body."
Andy says to Dogbert, "I have practiced religion for one day and not attained fulfillment." Dogbert responds, "That's because you're an android. You have no soul." Andy asks, "No soul?" Andy asks, "What is a little creature with no soul supposed to do?" Dilbert responds, "Well, Sonny Bono married Cher . . ."
The caption says, "Second day: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert says, "You must learn to relax . . ." Dogbert continues, "I want you to clear your minds of all thoughts." The three students sit limply in their chairs with blank looks on their faces. Dogbert thinks, "That was too easy."
The caption says, "Day one: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." A student raises his hand and says, "Question." The man asks, "Do service station employees qualify for military benefits?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think so." The man asks, "Can we fool women with these uniforms?"
Two aliens say to Dogbert, "Take us to your leader." Dogbert asks, "What kind of leader do you want . . .? Spiritual? Economic? Political? Military?" One alien asks, "Political?" The other replies, "Try it." Dogbert says, "Okay, do you want a city, county, state, federal or world political leader?" One alien says, "World . . . Definitely world." The other says, "Multiple choice is so easy." Dogbert says, "Sorry . . . Trick question. There is no political leader of the world." Dogbert continues, "But over that hill is a grocery store that claims to be the price leader." Dilbert arrives at home wearing burned clothes and carrying a bag of groceries. He tells Dogbert, "The strangest thing happened at the grocery store." Dogbert says, "It's been a strange day."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on an airplane. Dilbert says, "We can spend the first day at Clyde Canyon hiking and exploring . . ." Dogbert growls. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Are you still mad about the flight arrangements?" Dogbert looks angry. The flight attendant says to Dilbert, "Sir, you'll have to store your carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment." Dogbert growls.
Dilbert sits in a chair. Dogbert says, "I've written the entire Encyclopaedia Brittanica on this hair." Dogbert continues, "I'll open a museum and charge people to see it." Dilbert says, "It's kind of hard to prove you wrote all that on a hair." Dogbert points to a hair says, "I'll swear on this Bible."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."