Everybody Likes Project Comic Strips - Page 71

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

771 Results for Everybody Likes Project

View 701 - 710 results for everybody likes project comic strips. Discover the best "Everybody Likes Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project leader, #dogcart consulting, #shall do bidding, #endless variety, #expediations, #slab of liver, #external brain pack, #career low

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm the project leader for the Dogbert Consulting Company. You simple employees shall do my bidding." "I'll be sending you on an endless variety of data-gathering expeditions. That will keep you busy while I do the thinking." "By the way, this may look like a slab of liver but it's an external brain pack." "My career just reached an all time low."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product, #what it does, #who would duse it, #rest later, #plan to sell, #psychic

View Transcript

Transcript

"We don't know what the project should do or who would use it." "But if you could tell us what it costs to build it, we'll figure out the rest later." "What year do you plan to sell it?" "What am I - psychic or something??"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project dew drop, #test report, #explodes, #beta trial, #friendly customers, #killed, #friendly ones, #project ducky

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I agreed to ship Project 'Dewdrop' to some customers for beta testing. Dilbert: Didn't you read my test report? Dewdrop explodes when you plug it in. The Boss: we'll limit the beta trial to friendly customers. Dilbert: we killed all the friendly ones with project ducky.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #committed to buy, #cost justify, #ethical, #execuitve, #translate, #vendor, #weasel, #words

View Transcript

Transcript

Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ammunition, #automatic weapons, #bazookas, #citizens, #conversation about guns, #dog, #gun ownership, #no ammunition, #right to own guns, #rocket launchers, #weapons of choice, #charlton heston, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

"What's your position on gun ownership, Dogbert?" "I believe everybody should have the right to own guns." "What about automatic weapons?" "I'm all for them." "Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers, too." "I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice." "However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition." "Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you Goobers with anything more dangerous than string." "What about Charleton Heston?" "I'd keep the string away from him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #world ends, #year 2000, #creator, #universe, #counting system, #round numbers, #feeling anxiety, #dog, #rat, #conversation, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "I'm predicting the world will end in the year 2000." "The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers." "So you really want to avoid being, let's say, in mobile home number 1,000,000 in the year 2000." Ratbert: "I'm feeling anxiety."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #competition, #control, #deadbeats, #for scuccess, #mangers, #reorganize, #subgroup, #thrown out window, #whiners

View Transcript

Transcript

- How to reorganize for success Put All your deadbeats and whiners in one sub group. Deadbeats: we don't want to be a subgroup. -Give them a project that duplicates work being done by more competent people elsewhere in the company.- Soon, the manager of the competent people will find out you're duplicating his work. Man: You're on my turf Dogbert: Boo hoo - He'll make a play to get your project under his control.- Man: They should be transferred to my control. - Before you transfer the deadbeats. Give them high performance reviews to conceal your treachery Deadbeat: Godlike ? wow! Dogbert: I'll miss you. - In time, the manager who took your losers will fail, this decreasing competition for promotions. AAIIII!! Dogbert: Next week I'll discuss teamwork - the managers obstacle to success.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #spinning, #flung, #space, #locusts, #fling locusts

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: "According to you, if I cut your budget the world will abruptly stop spinning and we'll be flung into space." Tina: "Whereas, the risk of cutting Dilbert's project is '...a plage of locusts o'er the land.'" "I'll cut both projects. With any luck, we'll fling the locusts into space." Wally: "Locusts. Real good."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resources vailable, #common employees, #more money, #project, #all gone, #hypocrite boss, #no time

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Although I'm technically the 'Boss' I believe it's my job to make resources available to you, the common employees." Dilbert: "I need more money for my project." The Boss: "Sorry, all gone." Dilbert: "Maybe I'll get on your calendar so we can discuss it." The Boss: I've got twenty minutes next summer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delight customers, #fire everybody, #price of products, #slogan, #stop meetings, #we waste your money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." Alice: "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." The Boss: "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." Wally: "How about, 'we waste your money'?"