Before Start Comic Strips - Page 71
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720 Results for Before Start
View 701 - 710 results for before start comic strips. Discover the best "Before Start" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 23,
2020
Ratio Is Too High
Tags #managers & supervisors, #expense, #budget, #capital, #ratio, #too high, #afford, #standards, #historical, #irrelevant, #manage, #department
Transcript
boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.
Sunday October 18,
2020
When To Reply To Boss Text
Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text
Transcript
wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.
Monday September 21,
2020
Conflict Resolution
Tags #managers & supervisors, #anger, #office workers, #conflict, #resolution, #discussion, #temperature, #idiots, #yammering, #sarcasm, #insult
Transcript
boss: i couldn't help noticing you are having a heated discussion. watch me use my conflict resolution skills to lower the temperature. okay, what were you idiots yammering about? tina: solid start.
Saturday September 26,
2020
Karma And Wally
Tags #business, #family & parenting, #office workers, #name, #karma, #Advice, #discuss, #face mask
Transcript
wally: why did your parents name you karma? karma: i don't have parents. i am karma. wally: i suppose we have lots to discuss. karma: let's start with volume one.
Friday November 06,
2020
Medicinal Grade Coffee
Tags #health & safety, #office workers, #business, #health, #coffee, #strength, #side effects, #medicinal, #plywood
Transcript
wally with coffee: i've had a lot of side effects since i switched to medical-grade coffee. on the plus side, i can see through plywood, and i no longer need a tool to open jars. dilbert: you couldn't open jars before? wally: let's not dwell on that point.
Sunday December 06,
2020
Wally Answers Texts Later
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #lazy, #working, #ignore, #text, #email, #response, #data
Transcript
asok: i rarely see you working. how do you get away with it? wally: it's easy. i just wait a day before answering any texts or emails. for example, here's alice asking if i can attend a meeting in an hour. i'll answer her in the morning and say i didn't see her message. And here's dilbert asking me for some data. tomorrow, i will text him to ask for clarification, and he will tell me he found the data on his own. asok: don't you feel guilty? wally: nah. they'd do the same to me. asok: and do they? wally: they would if i didn't ignore them first.
Saturday November 28,
2020
Zoom Happy Hour
Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #happy hour, #morale, #department, #alcohol, #drinking, #drunk
Transcript
boss on video conference with dilbert and alice. boss: we're going to start having zoom happy hour every weekday to boost morale. dilbert: you're the only one in the entire department who drinks alcohol. boss: you're all looshers. alice: did you already start drinking? boss: i love you!
Saturday December 26,
2020
Dogbert The Watcher
Tags #work from home, #bribe, #home, #nap, #efficient, #employer, #employment, #wiser, #unethical
Transcript
dilbert at home. dilbert: i did more work from home today before 10 a.m. than i could do in the office all day. i could take a nap for the rest of the day, and no one would be the wiser. dogbert: your employer pays me to watch you at home, but i wouldn't say no to a well-considered bribe. dilbert: i can work with that.
Friday January 08,
2021
Sales To Elbonia
Tags #business, #government policy, #sales, #sale, #elbonia, #government, #ban, #accomplices
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that we just made a huge sale in elbonia. dilbert: are you aware that last week our government banned all sales to elbonia? boss: before you go blabbing that all over the place remember that all of you are accomplices.
Friday March 05,
2021
Think About Long Term
Tags #business, #technology, #long term, #dynamics, #reasonable, #random, #decision, #job, #employment
Transcript
office worker: we need to think longer term about how all of these dynamics play out. dilbert: sounds reasonable. what exactly were we doing before? office worker: i can't speak for anyone else, but i was making random decisions and hoping i'd change jobs before anyone found out.