Best Plan Comic Strips - Page 71

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789 Results for Best Plan

View 701 - 710 results for best plan comic strips. Discover the best "Best Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cpr, #bragging, #braggart, #ego, #one-up, #storytelling, #exaggeration

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Dilbert: My CPR instructor says I was one of his best students. Topper: That's nothing. I'm so good at CPR that my practice dummy came to life. He grew limbs and got married to a crash test dummy. They had three mannequins together and they live in the suburbs. But the marriage didn't last because the CPR dummy could not forget the taste of my lips. I blame myself for being irresistible. Why do all of my conversations end with me sitting alone?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analogy, #hyperbole, #exaggeration

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Dilbert: Once we have all of the vendors' bids, we will pick the best one. Man: Oh, great, so you're saying we should be exactly like serial killers? Dilbert: Uh... what? Man: Serial killers also choose their victims. Can't you see the warning flags here? You're basically promoting murder. Dilbert: That is literally the most ridiculous and unhelpful analogy of all time. I doubt you could come up with a worse analogy, no matter how hard you tried. Man: Hitler said something like that before invading Poland. Boss: Good point.

Boss Wants Private Office

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Boss Wants Private Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #privacy, #open office

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Boss: The employees are complaining because our new open office plan has too many distractions. CEO: You want to go back to cubicles? Boss: No, I just need a private so I can't hear them complaining.

Two Choices For Work Space

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Two Choices For Work Space - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #distraction, #work from home

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Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?

Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move

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Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #popularity, #power

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Boss: Asok, I"m putting you in charge of deciding who gets which cubicle after the office redesign. Asok: But... everyone will hate me for deciding who gets the best cubicles. Boss: Try to see it as an upgrade to your current situation of no one caring about you. Asok: That helps a little.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

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Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology

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Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thundershirt, #stress, #prank, #practical joke

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Wally: You look stressed. Asok: I am. How do you drink so much coffee and stay so calm? Wally: It's easy. I wear a "Thundershirt" under my work clothes. It was designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms. When I saw the commercial for it on TV, I wondered what else it could do, so I bought one. I haven't had a bad day at work since then. Narrator: One week later. Asok: Feeling good! Best day of work ever! Dilbert: Did you convince a co-worker to wear pet clothes? Wally: That's how I reduce my stress.

Wally's Dental Excuse

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Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

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Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.

Wally's Excuses List

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Wally's Excuses List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business

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Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

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Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

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Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.