Better Please Comic Strips - Page 71

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

740 Results for Better Please

View 701 - 710 results for better please comic strips. Discover the best "Better Please" comics from Dilbert.com.

And Then Mark Said

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
And Then Mark Said - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #business, #office, #office workers, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: ...and then mark said... dilbert: stop talking about mark! dilbert is visually angry. dilbert: all you do is talk about mark! i am so sick of mark. please talk about anything but mark. dilbert is still visually angry. tina: someone told me you'd say that. dilbert: was his name -- MARK? dilbert angry.

Winners Never Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.

Measuring Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Measuring Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: we opened our first "center of excellence" today. the boss: at the risk of sounding too optimistic, we should be brimming with excellence by nightfall. dilbert: how will we know if is working? the boss: it's better if we don't try too hard to measure it.

Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #office workers, #trick, #work, #adoption, #morality

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work. Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible. Wally: And brilliant. Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.

Asok Moves Into A Pod

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Moves Into A Pod - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #finances, #home, #money, #office workers, #salary, #apartment

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Thanks to my raise, I can afford to move out of my home in the men's restroom stall and into a pod. Dilbert: A pod? Asok: A pod! Dilbert: Is it better than the stall? Asok: It's smaller, but better appointed.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apple, #criticism, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #steve jobs, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?

Wally Monetizes His Pet Status

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Monetizes His Pet Status - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.

Wally Covers For Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Covers For Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #vacations

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation. I would have asked someone competent, but they're all on vacation next week, too. Please don't destroy the entire company. Wally: Do I seem that motivated?

Thinking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #danger, #employees, #frustration, #office workers, #thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Please don't stare at my head. I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration. Alice: That sounds dangerous. Dilbert: I thought so too, at first. Alice: And now? Dilbert: Now I don't think. I'm much happier.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?