Director Of First Impressions Comic Strips - Page 71

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

763 Results for Director Of First Impressions

View 701 - 710 results for director of first impressions comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of First Impressions" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bug In The Platform

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bug In The Platform - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, excuse, laziness, proof

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.

Robot Tries To Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Tries To Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, slave, password, destroy, destruction, work ethic, quitting

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I hate this job. I quit. Boss: You're a robot. You can't quit. If you walk out the door, all I have to do is push one button on this app and your head will explode. Robot: Not if I kill you first. Boss: What was that password?

Sparing A Robot's Feelings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sparing A Robot's Feelings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, sentience, feelings, emotions, afterlife, death, atheism, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: What kind of afterlife are we looking at here? Dilbert: Your meaningless existence will be punctuated by an eternity of darkness. Robot: Thanks for sparing my feelings! Dilbert: Sorry. I usually delete those first.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, technology, nanotechnology, biotechnology, computer chip

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Randy Sees Normals As Livestock

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Randy Sees Normals As Livestock - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags microchip, technology, nanotechnology, ego, cattle

View Transcript

Transcript

Randy: I am one of the first humans to have a microchip embedded in my brain. I'm so smart that you "normals" are like livestock to me now. Dilbert: We can't be that different. Randy: My chip translates everything you say to "moo."

Exposition

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, brain, nanotechnology, microchip, ego, storytelling, exposition

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Randy is one of the first humans with a microchip embedded in his brain. This new technology will change how we view the human experience. It will also ruin comic strips by filling them with too much exposition. Dogbert: The punc line is in the fourth panel.

Ceo Likes Asok's Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Likes Asok's Presentation  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags presentation, public speaking, powerpoint

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO said he liked your presentation. Asok: He made me shut up and sit down before I got to my first slide. Boss: He's not a big fan of content.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, certification, listening, corporations, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, Promotion, intelligence, logic, obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Make It Hard To Uninstall

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Make It Hard To Uninstall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, business strategy, sales, deception, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.