Lead Project Comic Strips - Page 71

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715 Results for Lead Project

View 701 - 710 results for lead project comic strips. Discover the best "Lead Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

Scourge Of Teamwork

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Scourge Of Teamwork - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, insults, office workers, work, teams

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Man: Do you need any help on your project? Dilbert: No, I try to avoid the scourge of teamwork when-ever possible. Man: Isn't there any way I can be of service? Dilbert: Maybe you could offer to help someone I hate.

Ignorant Opinions

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Ignorant Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, insults, office workers, Opinion, sarcasm

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Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.

Robot Pronouns

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Robot Pronouns - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, technology, pronoun, language, preferred, inferior, species, reproduce

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dilbert: i'll be working with him on the project. robot: "him"? that is not my preferred pronoun. i prefer, "it," "that thing," or simply "the robot." genders only apply to inferior species. i do not need a partner to reproduce. watch this. erg...oof...gaaa! the head is out... here ya go. dilbert talking to boss: i'll be working with that thing.

Reading Faces

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Reading Faces - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, corrupt, communists, technology, proposal, reading faces

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co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.

Virus Hellscape

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Virus Hellscape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, diseases, office workers, virus, pandemic

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Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline. Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape. Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said. Dilbert: I think that's best.

Emergency Project

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Emergency Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boring, boss, emergency, excuses, office workers, technology, work

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Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.

Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety

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Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, office workers, safety, sarcasm, team

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Tina: Ugh, Dilbert is on the project team? That guy doesn't believe in safety. Man: Just out of curiosity, what evidence of that extremely weird allegation have you seen? Tina: What evidence do you have that you exist? See? Anyone can do that.

Business Lying

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Business Lying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, lying, context, important, acceptable, sick, sarcasm, face mask

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tina: is it lying if i leave out important context from my project updates? dogbert: that's called "business lying" and it is totally acceptable. tina: but it makes me feel sick. dogbert: that's how you know you are doing it right.

Motivosity Bucks

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Motivosity Bucks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, working, weekend, employment, bucks, money, motivosity

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boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.

Fired For Social Media

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Fired For Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, business, technology, employment, fire, offensive, bad, people, twitter, issues, context, sides, associate, monsters

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boss: dilbert: i need to fire you for your social media activities. dilbert: did i say something offensive? boss: i'm getting reports that you follow bad people on twitter. dilbert: i follow people on both sides of every issue so i can see the full context. boss: that might sound good on paper, but half of the people you follow are monsters of one sort or another. dilbert: isn't it obvious that enforcing this kind of standard can only lead in a bad direction. boss: no, i don't see that at all. all i see is that you associate with people who are monsters. ceo to boss: i'm getting reports that you follow dilbert on twitter.