Mail Yourself Home Comic Strips - Page 71

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View 701 - 710 results for mail yourself home comic strips. Discover the best "Mail Yourself Home" comics from Dilbert.com.

Two Ways To Avoid Listening

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Two Ways To Avoid Listening  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #mentor, #listening, #attention

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Wally: There are two good ways to avoid listening to others. 1.) Do all of the talking yourself, and 2:) be too busy to listen. Asok: That sounds simplistic. Wally: I'm late for a meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical

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Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.

Wally's Inappropriate Attire

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Wally's Inappropriate Attire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dress code, #outfit, #crop top, #deception, #ploy, #trick, #telecommuting, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: That is inappropriate office attire! Go home and work remotely for the rest of the day. Dilbert: How'd it work out? Wally: Phase one was a total success. Phase two involves napping.

Boss Wants Alice To Be His Work Wife

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Boss Wants Alice To Be His Work Wife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wife, #spouse, #work, #creep, #relationships, #repulsive

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Boss: I decided to call you my work-wife. Alice: Gurk. I"m creeped out! I'm creeped out! I'm creeped out! Boss: Just like at home. Alice: I need a shower.

Estimating Finish Times

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Estimating Finish Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #website, #internet, #developer, #code, #coding, #deadline, #time, #deception, #lying, #technology

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Boss: I'm having trouble managing our web developer because I don't know how long things are supposed to take. Does it really take nine months to change the font on the home page? Developer: How much do I owe you? Dilbert: Tell him my project normally takes two years.

Mandatory Safety Meeting

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Mandatory Safety Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #safety, #catch-22, #choosing, #unsafe

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Boss: You have to go to a mandatory safety training class right now. Dilbert: Is it safe for me to miss the deadline you gave me for this assignment? Boss: No, you lose either way. Dilbert: Hmm. Maybe I could work all night from home then drive to work exhausted.

Trust The Boss

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Trust The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trust, #confidence, #vampire, #dead, #trustworthy

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Boss: We're not planning any changes, trust me. Dilbert: Trust you? I've seen your browser history. I wouldn't trust you to guard a funeral home. Boss: That's the easiest job ever. Just drive stakes through the hearts of the dead and they'll stay put. Dilbert: To my point.

Asok Is Offended By Wally

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Asok Is Offended By Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offense, #insult, #offensive, #fighting, #nonviolent resistance

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Asok: I hear you have been comparing yourself to Gandhi, the father of my birth country. That is offensive. It makes me want to punch you. Wally: Have you tried fasting instead? I hear good things about it.

Dilbert's Vacation Was Tragic

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Dilbert's Vacation Was Tragic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #work, #workload, #work ethic

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Wally: How was your vacation? Dilbert: Tragic. All I did was stay home and watch my personal hygiene decline while my workload here piled up. Wally: You just described my perfect day.

Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall

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Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #living, #home, #bathroom

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Wally: I decided to move into a bathroom stall and live there forever. The pieces all came together when I got this food delivery app. Alice: What about the ambiance? Wally: It must be hard to have high standards.