Business Ethics Comic Strips - Page 72

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, millennial employee, bureacracy, poor communication, task force, regular updates, business

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Boss: Our millennial employees keep quitting because of our bureaucracy and poor communication. CEO: Form three task forces to look into it. But don't tell any of the task forces that there are two others doing the same thing. Boss: Should I give you regular updates? CEO: Nah.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, screen savers, company logo, corporate rule, agenda, meeting, business

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Boss: First on the agenda, we're standardizing all screen savers to be our company logo. Second, our CEO is having a contest to see who can suggest the most useless corporate rule to eliminate. Wally: I nominate the nee screen-saver rule. Boss: You can't nominate that one. It's too new. Dilbert: Why does that matter? Isn't it better to kill it before it gets implemented? Boss: It's too soon! It's just too soon! Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Fine. Wally: I nominate whatever is next on the agenda.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, public opinion, feel engaged, meeting, appearences, business

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CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags diseases, employees, frustration, new bad apple, joining project, full disclosure, totally contagious, immune, worms, business, medical

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Coworker: I'm the new bad apple. I'll be joining your project. In the interest of full disclosure, this is totally contagious. Wally: I'm immune, but not for reasons I'm proud of. Coworker: You must be Wally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, late, chronically late, pre meeting, trick, chronic lateness, power, selfish, bad attitude, business

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Dilbert: Let's meet before the project meeting to go over a few things. Coworker: Nice try. We chronically late people know when we're being played. Your pre-meeting is a trick to get me to show up on time for the real meeting. But that won't work because poor planning isn't the cause of my chronic lateness. I make people wait for me because I enjoy the power and I don't care about anyone's feelings. Dilbert: Fine. I'll see you at the project meeting at ten. Coworker: Nice try. I know the meeting is at 10:30. Dilbert: How do you keep a job? Coworker: That attitude is exactly why I don't like people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, managers & supervisors, reorganizing, overthinking, business

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CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, good leader, ego, great leaders, awesome, business

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Catbert: A good leader puts his team ahead of his own ego. Boss: What do great leaders do? I'm thinking it's the opposite, right? Catbert: They don't do what you just did. Boss: They don't be awesome?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, managers & supervisors, meeting, never anticiptae, first draft, business

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Boss: I need you to help prepare me for my meeting tomorrow. Write up some answers to the questions we could never anticipate. Dilbert: I wouldn't expect much out of my first draft.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fear, managers & supervisors, snake, cublicle, culture of fear, motivate, short term, first step, urinals, electrified, office plant, pain, tactics, business

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Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Boss: Did you find the snake in your cubicle? Dilbert: What the...? Boss: I put it there because I'm trying to motivate you with a culture of fear. Dilbert: That only works in the short term! Boss: A leader takes the first step without knowing where the next step will be. So get to work, and by they way, one of the urinals is electrified. It's only set to stun, so don't be a baby about it. Wally: His office plant is clear.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, actionable anlytics, big data, new jargon, accelrate, business

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Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.